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Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Blokes on Parade

Here it is. Practical information for all you Blokes who want to fit in (and for you gals who want to know who to avoid). Have you ever wondered how you can tell if a Bloke has been potty trained, how he should dress up or what he should drink? Even if you couldn't care less read on because, well... it's funny and that's the reason you're here.

What a Bloke should Drink:

  • Beer. Got that? Don't need it repeated? A brief foray into the spirits field is occasionally tolerated when you need to talk to Uncle Jack Daniels or Great Uncle Jim Beam about how upset you are that someone stacked your holden in the carpark of Taumaranui New World when you were getting the monthly load of Baked Beans and Bog Paper.

  • What a Bloke should NOT Drink:


  • Designer" Beers. Because you know what designers are don't you? That's bloody right - so they've probably put dangerous additives that do bad things to your mind.

  • Wine - See the 'The Blokes Advisor' for how to avoid this at office-type functions.

  • Anything with fruit in it. If someone at a Wedding Booze-Up offers you a punch, offer him one back, and don't piss around waiting for an answer..

  • Drinks with Umbrellas, Fruit or Straws in them. If it can't be put into a handle, it isn't supposed to be drunk. If it's got lots of extra shit in it, it's an ashtray, full stop.

  • Tequila - Remember what happened the last time? The chainsaw, the tin of paint and the outlaw's garden gnomes? JUST SAY NO! Then say "NO, YA BASTARDS!"

  • This and more hillarious reading can be found at the "The Bloke's Page".

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