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Saturday, December 10, 2005

I Hate Evil Landlords

Wasn't Ebenezer Scrooge a landlord? With the coming festive season I thought it would be a good time to rant on one of my favorite peeves:

Have you Been Screwged Lately?

Money-mongers, the lot of them. Landlords won't hesitate to throw you out into the cold and snow. They will dance on your grave and roll in cockapoo if it meant getting the rent out of you.

Landlording has a long and proud tradition in common law that goes way back to the middle ages and beyond. Fatted 'lords' salivating for more land and wealth would drive off the peasantry, steal their property and make them serfs to work their own land.

If you don't believe me just ask the Irish who were forced to resettle in that new land of wet dreams called America.

Sometimes it was just the luck of the draw. Those same fatted 'lords' would round up the peasants to fight their wars over greed, power, God and king.

If you were on the losing side and survived they would expropriate your land and make you a tenant. If you died -- all the better and they would expropriate your land and make some other sucker work it. Either way the poor guy lost.

Obviously God ordained the winning side and wanted them to have it all. Makes sense right? It did to them.

Wonderful invention those words "expropriation" and "tenant". Just fancy terms for land seizure and the sucker that pays your bills.

It also makes you want to run out and pay for a tour of some thieving bastard's castle the next time you visit jolly old England. So what was that bloke's name anyway? Oh yeah, it was the Count of Dorkester or something like that. I say boycott the tour and make the lazy bastard get a job like the rest of us. And while you're there be sure to give my regards to old lady Liz.

Crooked judges who were also landlords scowl at you for being tardy in your rent. "Throw the scum into debtors prison" they shouted with the smash of a gavel. "Next victim please... too bad only witches are burned at the stake."

Of course, with the invention of judges and courts to protect the interests of the haves, they also needed lawyers to screw over the have-nots. Squeeze out the last few pennies from the stooge.

Apparently the term 'lawyer' was originally derived from the old english word 'liar'. But somewhere in the evolution of jurisprudence it got lost in the translation. Eventually the word was to become synonymous with another invention -- the "politician." (Don't get me going or we'll be here all night.)

Not much has changed over the years and here is a true story. I have a friend who has been unable to work for health reasons. His income is well below the poverty line and has to live in subsidized housing.

His nazis landlords have been trying to get rid of him and his mixed-race family. He has always paid his rent on time, has never been a problem to his neighbours and is a good citizen.

And yet the landlord has made up all kinds of malicious lies and dragged him in front arbitrators over and over again, only to lose in the end because they were proven to be liars and cheats. But that hasn't deterred them from trying again. A not so random act of terrorism if there ever was.

My friend can't move to another place because the government body that oversees subsidized housing says they will not intervene so long as he is "not in good standing" with his current landlord. Talk about a rigged system.

The arbitrators party with these a-holes and are on a first-name basis. After all, that is where their bread and butter comes from. If it weren't for evil landlords there would be no work to keep them in the comfort they are accustomed to. A bunch of self-serving schmucks if there ever was.

This Christmas my friend is facing another possible eviction. Again, over a made-up story by the landlord. If the dirtbags are successful, his family will have nowhere else to go except to the nearest park bench in the dead of winter.

Think kindly of him and his family as they go through another terrifying experience during this festive season. Let's hope there will be a happy ending for him and all the other not so well off families just like the real Christmas Carol.

Merry Christmas Mr. Scrooge. Humbug indeed!

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8 Comments: 'Reach out and FISK someone'...

At 3:19 PM, Anonymous cecelia said...

I know exactly what you mean. I don't think there are many of us who can't relate and have our own horror stories to tell (unless of course you were born with a silver spoon in yer mouth). I will be praying for this family.

 Edit Comment
At 9:55 AM, Anonymous danny said...

Funny post and true, but soured with the reality check. Sorry to hear about your friend.

 Edit Comment
At 3:53 PM, Anonymous sonny said...

Heh, as always your logic (and humor) is flawless.

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At 4:08 PM, Anonymous suleman said...

Great stuff Fisk. Good to have you back.

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At 9:06 AM, Blogger rev. billy bob gisher ©2005 said...

was a landlord for a little while, and never want to be one again. money has to be the sole motivator to stay one, because a bunch of tenants are a pain in the ass.

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At 12:07 PM, Anonymous pascal said...

evil landlords are a bigger pain in the ass

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At 2:35 PM, Anonymous samuel said...

Amazing how you can make a serious topic funny and yet touching at the same time. Well done and I will be praying for your friend.

 Edit Comment
At 12:38 PM, Anonymous tenant said...

there otta be a law

 Edit Comment

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