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Lil' Kim Comes up Short

2006-07-04T14:15:00.000-07:00

And the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air...

I've heard of a war of rhetoric, but this is ridiculous. It seems that Lil' Kim's talk is bigger than his appendage. Apparently he misfired his rocket, (the Taepo long-dong-2 series) and spit blanks, er came up short... I mean, it wasn't the long-range missile that was expected. Brings a whole new meaning to the term pencil dick don't you think.

Coincidentally, the good ole US of A fired off it's national phallic symbol just in time for the fireworks and singing of the national anthem.

You just gotta love the irony. Happy 4th of July everyone!

Related links: news, world news, us-news, in the news, news headlines, headline news, news and politics, north korea, humor, satire

MarketingSherpa Announces Blog Awards 2006

2006-06-28T12:49:00.000-07:00

Well whoop-dee-doo! MarketingSherpa has announced the winners of their annual awards for business and marketing blogs. I'm sorry but I can't take this all that seriously. Especially when I see who some of the so-called winners are.

I mean, who are these people? I could easily find better bloggers that are far more deserving of an award.

Take for example Andy Wibbels. Is that a name or a condition? Give me a break. Have you ever heard the guy speak? Letsth justh sthay I've heard canariesth with lessth pitch in their warble. And of course I can always count on my favorite link baiter (Seth Godin) to lead the charge.

These turkeys are a bunch of self-congratulatory egoist hucksters marching to the beat of their own drum. Need proof?

Have you ever heard of stuffing the ballot box? Here is an example of its electronic equivalent if there ever was (http://andywibbels.com/post/1143):

"The nominations came through and I’ve been nominated for a MarketingSherpa award… help me nab the prize! Vote early, vote often!"

Have you no shame. I can only wonder how many times Andy voted for himself. Obviously enough times to win. He probably nominated himself too. Thank goodness for anonymous proxy servers.

So congrats to all the winners (there goes that tongue in my cheek again).

Related links: daily fisk, humour, humor, satire

CyberCoder to the Rescue!

2006-06-24T09:23:00.000-07:00

You might have noticed that the FISK's left column has been playing hide and seek for the past couple of weeks.

Well after a few sleepless nights in (almost) Seattle, I called on a friend of mine - the infamous CyberCoder who figured out the problem in quick fashion.

If you're a geek or a wannabe geek or need to know about stuff like Ajax etc., then he's the guy to read. Much thanks my friend.

Related links: blog, weblog, blogging, blogtech, webtech, web 2.0, blog resources, computing, internet, computers and internet, technology, tech

2006-06-11T23:25:00.000-07:00

links for 2006-06-11

Uber Microsoft Propogandist Scoble Jumps Ship

Scoble was quoted as saying: "I wish to thank Bill Gates for giving me an opportunity at Microsoft catapulting me onto the blogger A-list. But above all I wish to thank my loyal suckup fans who have made this all possible. For without you I am nothing". Amen brother.

(tags: computing, internet, computers+and+internet, technology, tech, scobleizer, humour, humor)

Uber Microsoft Propogandist Scoble Jumps Ship

2006-06-11T18:56:00.000-07:00

Slippery Bloggers getting their Palms Greased

Robert Scoble has joined that elite group of A-listers who have successfully exploited their new found fame in the blogosphere. He is reported to be leaving Microsoft for a more lucrative job offer.

Scoble was quoted as saying:

"I wish to thank Bill Gates for giving me an opportunity at Microsoft catapulting me onto the blogger A-list. But above all I wish to thank my loyal suckup fans who have made this all possible. For without you I am nothing".

Amen brother.

Todays Blog Quiz:

So what is the difference between a self-serving politician, and a self-serving blogger?

Absolutely nothing.

Related links: computing, internet, computers and internet, technology, tech, scobleizer, humour, humor, satire, microsoft, bill+gates

Abu Musab al-Zarqawi is Dead Meat

2006-06-08T09:44:00.000-07:00

At least he still has his head attached, which is more than we can say for his victims.

You live by Violence, You Die by Violence

Related links: current events, current affairs, terror, terrorism, terrorist

The Blogosphere is Rigged

2006-05-21T19:22:00.000-07:00

(Un)equal Opportunity Bloggers

Jessica Guynn poses the question:

Why is this supposedly democratic medium recreating real-world inequality? A blogarchy has emerged from the Internet equivalent of an "American Idol" popularity contest. This elite clique of bloggers -- the so-called A-listers who get checked out more often than Lindsay Lohan -- attract the largest online audience. All those eyeballs can deliver cachet, cash and the coveted contract for a blook (a book based on a blog).

Jessica goes on to discuss inequality in the blogosphere where it seems that 1% is getting 99% of the traffic. But she goes too far when she whines that most of the A-listers are men.

She seems to have forgotten that the Huffington Post, Ann Althouse, the Wonkette et al are blogs run by women A-listers. So I don't want to turn this into a pissing match between the sexes.

Trust me when I say there are a whole lot of male bloggers that are in the same boat. No matter how hard they try and tweak their sites they just can't seem to crack the barrier.

But the truth of the matter is there is a disproportionate amount of traffic going to only a privileged few that have eked out there own network hierarchy within the blogosphere.

And so, a complex social phenomenon becomes purely mathematical: The more links pointing to you -- especially from big-time bloggers -- the more readers you will have (according to the method of judging blog popularity by number of links)... talk about creating a powerful, self-reinforcing and very exclusive network.

The Blogosphere is Rigged

Unfortunately this sort of BS becomes self-perpetuating when blog search sites such as the Truth Laid Bear, Technorati, and Sphere et al reinforce the A-list mentality with their stupid juvenile ratings. Even Google's Blog Search has a "Sort by relevance" filter which is the default setting.

The A-listers bank on the gullibility of blogging newbies who don't know any better. After all, we just want to belong don't we? So we hang around the A-lister's like a pack of stray dogs at the corner store hoping they will throw us a bone or two (i.e. links).

Search Filters:

We can't even install a news reader today without a ready-made A-list, and a perusal of the search engines (I call them search filters) will quickly point us in their direction.

So where does that leave the rest of the 99%? On the outside looking in that's where. Like I said before, the Blogosphere has turned into one big frat party. And here I thought I left jerks like that back in school. What a crock. Feh!

More Signal, Less Noise:

These blogarchy types subscribe to the theory of "More Signal, Less Noise". Meaning -- YOU are the noise.

Sure, some of the blogarchy deserve to be there. There's no questioning that. BUT I can find better blog writers any day of the week than most of these so-called A-listers.

So here is a dirty little secret for all of you not yet in the know. The blogosphere has been rigged. The majority of the A-listers only got where they are because they have high profile jobs, are members of elite blog networks they have created, or were linked to by other A-listers that they sucked up to. It is a self-serving megalomaniac gang of social climbers that there ever was.

So what can you do about it?

Well for one thing you can stop blogrolling these A-list nincompoops. Don't give them any of your link love. If you still have a morbid curiosity and want them within easy reach then just bookmark them. But whatever you do DO NOT give them a pagerank boost by linking to them in your blog.

Start your own blogroll with bloggers who have a similar focus. Visit them often and link to their posts. Comment on their posts and create your own cosmos support group. That's a good start.

Or better still, just suck up to them and hope you get linked. Just kidding (I think). Show me love. ;-)

Related links: daily fisk, fun, funny, humor, humour, satire

Carnival of the Best of Me Symphony

2006-05-15T15:48:00.000-07:00

The Best of Me Symphony is now up hosted by none other than the infamous Friedrich Nietszche. Do yourself a favor and check out all the fun and frivolity.

Related links: daily fisk, fun, funny humor, humour, best of me symphony

McCain Attacks Bloggers, Sinks Ship with Loose Lips

2006-05-13T23:55:00.000-07:00

That's no easy feat even for an old navy man such as John McCain. He says bloggers are old enough to fight his damn wars but not enough to speak our mind.

Think Progress notes McCain's attack on the blogosphere:

When I was a young man, I was quite infatuated with self-expression, and rightly so because, if memory conveniently serves, I was so much more eloquent, well-informed, and wiser than anyone else I knew. It seemed I understood the world and the purpose of life so much more profoundly than most people. I believed that to be especially true with many of my elders, people whose only accomplishment, as far as I could tell, was that they had been born before me, and, consequently, had suffered some number of years deprived of my insights…It’s a pity that there wasn’t a blogosphere then. I would have felt very much at home in the medium.

Damn the torpedoes and full steam ahead. I think we've just been broadsided matey.

Very wittily said John, but all you've accomplished is to demonstrate your ignorance of the Blogosphere. If you only knew how old I really am (but don't you dare ask).

So I guess we've all been told. So much for freedom of speech. Maybe we should put an age limit on it. Now there's an idea for you John. There outta be a law.

In 2000, John McCain called Rev. Jerry Falwell an “agent of intolerance.” Yesterday, in a naked attempt to broaden his political base, McCain delivered the commencement speech at Falwell’s Liberty University. McCain’s hypocrisy was noted on many blogs. He returned the favor in his speech at Liberty by attacking the blogosphere.

A commentor also noted:

McCain’s lurch to the right begs the following question: Could it be possible that Republicans are also saddled with shitty consultants?

Psst... here's a dirtly little secret. McCain's a mole. So now you know.

Related links: daily fisk, news, us-news, in the news, news and politics, politics, political, john+mccain, blogging, blogosphere, humor, fisk

The Carnival of Comedy

2006-05-12T18:23:00.001-07:00

The Carnival of Comedy is being hosted this week by the faux doctor himself Dr. Phat Tony so be sure to check it out.

Related links: daily fisk, entertainment, fun, funny humor, humour

Free Online TV

2006-05-05T01:21:00.000-07:00

This in from Blog Bloke. You can watch over 70 TV Stations and 700 TV Show Episodes for FREE. I'm watching Monty Python (now you know where my sense of humor came from). Hmm... I wonder if they have Faulty Towers?

Related links: fun, funny humor, humour, daily fisk, monty python, faulty towers

Colbert Video Pulled from YouTube

2006-05-04T21:33:00.000-07:00

But you can still find it here:

The videos of Stephen Colbert's speech at the White House Correspondents Dinner have been pulled from YouTube. C-SPAN which owns the copyright to the videos asked YouTube to remove them. BUT you can still view the videos on iFilm and AOL's The Daily Pulse. And here's another one I found @ PeekVid.

Related links: daily fisk, news, fun, funny humor, humour, colbert

Colbert Fisks Bush... is removed from A-List

2006-05-03T00:19:00.000-07:00

Me thinks he won't be invited to the White House anytime soon:

Was it just me or did Colbert sound more mean spirited than funny? I know what you're thinking. Look who's talking, but still... check out the video for yourself.

You can view parts 11 and 111 here.

UPDATE: The Colbert video was pulled but you can still find it here.

Related links: media, in the news, news headlines, headline news, news and politics, politics, political, fun, funny humor, humour, daily fisk, bush, youtube

2006-04-29T23:20:00.000-07:00

links for 2006-04-29

Guy Kawasaki: 120 day Blogging 'Expert'

One of his favorite pastimes is to email everyone that has the misfortune to come across his computer. Then again, Guy has his own unique definition of what constitutes spam. I rather liked Dave Winer's response the best:

(tags: business, marketing, daily+fisk, guy+kawasaki, humor, dave+winer)

Guy Kawasaki: 120 day Blogging 'Expert'

2006-04-28T13:50:00.000-07:00

I'm beginning to think that I should change the name of this blog to the daily FISKing of Guy Kawasaki.

So-called expert Guy Kawasaki (blogging 120 days and counting... and no, I'm not giving him a link unless he returns the favour) throws us more pearls about how to ~~evangelize~~ huckster our blogs.

It seems that one of his favorite pastimes is to email everyone that has the misfortune to come across his computer. Then again, Guy has his own unique definition of what constitutes spam:

"When I started this blog, I sent out 10,000 email announcements... for example, when a bozo includes you on a large carbon-copy email, mine the addresses."

I rather liked Dave Winer's response the best:

"Disclaim: Scripting News does not meet the high standards of 120-day blogger Guy Kawasaki."

Guy calls it "evangelizing". I call it a pain in the ass.

UPDATE: Better Bad News picks up the ball with "Who Gives a Shiitake". And the blogfather himself Dave Winer liked the post so much that he even linked to it. I'm honoured folks.

Related links: business, marketing, daily fisk, guy kawasaki, humor, dave winer

2006-04-15T23:20:00.000-07:00

links for 2006-04-15

The Lost Gospel of Judas

With Easter upon us there is much talk about the lost gospel of Judas, the disciple best known for betraying Jesus Christ. Apparently this manuscript paints Judas in a more favorable light as someone who was only doing Christ's bidding. But does that real

(tags: daily+fisk, current+events, current+affairs, opinion, jesus+christ, judas, religion, easter)

The Lost Gospel of Judas

2006-04-14T18:02:00.000-07:00

With Easter upon us there is much talk about the so-called lost gospel of Judas, the disciple best known for betraying Jesus Christ. Apparently this manuscript paints Judas in a more favorable light as someone who was only doing Christ's bidding.

According to radiocarbon dating the papyrus is purported to be dated between A.D. 220 and 340. Other tests confirm it is consistent with known ancient methods and ingredients in known inks from the third and fourth centuries A.D.

It's all very interesting, but given that it was written by someone else a considerable time after the death of Judas it amounts to little more than the stuff that myths and legends are made of.

Happy Easter!

Related links: daily fisk, current events, current affairs, opinion, jesus christ, judas, religion, easter

2006-04-12T23:22:00.000-07:00

links for 2006-04-12

Ten Observations of a Rookie Blogger

Whilst perusing Dave Winer's blog I accidentally came across Guy Kawasaki's ten observations that he's learned in his first 100 days of blogging. The ones that are the most revealing are:

(tags: writing, write, guy kawasaki, satire, humor, blogging)

Ten Observations of a Rookie Blogger

2006-04-11T21:39:00.000-07:00

Whilst perusing Dave Winer's blog I accidentally came across Guy Kawasaki's ten observations that he's learned in his first 100 days of blogging.

The ones that are the most revealing are:

1. "The more popular a person thinks he is in the blogosphere, the thinner his skin and the thicker his hypocrisy. This should be exactly the opposite: the higher you go the thicker the skin and thinner the hypocrisy." Only happy to oblige Guy. We'll test that theory shall we.

5. "An expert who blogs is more interesting than a blogger who experts". What I'm not certain of is whether Guy is talking about himself. Would a hundred days of blogging count towards becoming an "expert"? (NOT).

6. "Blogging technology is a piece of cake. TypePad powers my blog, and this product is very well done. Plus, almost all the things that one would want a blog to do are (a) available and (b) free--or very cheap"... Hmm, what Guy doesn't seem to realize is most of us seasoned bloggers didn't have it served to us on a silver platter. We had to learn (and sometimes create like Dave Winer for example) the technology and hack our blogs into shape the hard way.

9. "I love this Technorati ranking thing. I know it probably doesn't mean much, but it's fun. I'll never play in the NHL, and I'll never start a billion-dollar company, but I could get into the Technorati top ten"... That's all we need. A class system in the blogosphere. I can see the headlines now: "Former writer rises to the creme of the blogosphere riding his own shirt tail."

And my most favorite of all:

3. ... "It's a good thing I have eight books to plagiarize." That sez it all don't you think? Nothing new here.

And lastly:

10. "It's hard to make money blogging. The advertising revenues don't add up to much, but there are other significant rewards like helping people change the world." Heh, don't flatter yourself Guy. But thanks for the laughs anyway. You provide us with so much material. It's much appreciated and welcome to the blogosphere. We're looking forward to the next 100 days. Seriously.

Related links: writing, write, guy kawasaki, satire, humor, blogging

2006-03-28T22:24:00.000-08:00

links for 2006-03-28

This Week's Idiot Award

This embarrassing episode is a stain on the entire blogosphere and only proves the Fisk's point. So I'll raise Domenech's ante by saying that I take enormous pride in being a neo-nothing, 'cause to be neo-anything is to be a (not so neo) IDIOT. (Pun intended)

(tags: politics, humor, blogging, fun, satire, ben+domenech)

This Week's Idiot Award

2006-03-27T19:35:00.000-08:00

I'm a Neo-Nothing:

Last Friday, fallen neo-conservative blogger (and wannabe journalist) Ben Domenech (who was fired for plagiarism just hours after being recruited by the Washington Post) said:

"To my friends: thank you for your support. To my enemies: I take enormous solace in the fact that you spent this week bashing me, instead of America."

What an ego. That embarrassing episode has left a stain on the entire blogosphere and only proves what the Fisk has been saying all along. So I'll raise Domenech's ante by saying that I take enormous pride in being a neo-nothing, 'cause to be neo-anything is to be a (not so neo) IDIOT. (Pun most definitely intended).

Related links: politics, humor, blogging, fun, satire, ben domenech

Poof, went right over his head. I'm baaaaaaaaaack!

Sorry you haven't heard from me lately

2006-03-07T01:11:00.000-08:00

I've been busy tweaking and doing maintenance on my blog templates. Crikey, does it ever end? I will be back to business shortly. Promise.

...tag: daily fisk

Is Blogging Just About Getting More Traffic?

2006-03-02T21:52:00.000-08:00

I may regret this. My mom always told me to stay out of other people's fights. But I was always too headstrong for my own good so here goes.

Over at Copyblogger Brian tells us:

" Steve used a clever little PR gimmick (that would never work for an unknown blogger today, mind you) to literally propel himself to the enviable point he is now. Nothing wrong with that, unless of course, two years later, you look down from your A-List perch and proclaim that traffic is now bad."

Frankly I'm a little weary of the term "A-List". But I have to agree with that thought. It's easy to mock the tail that wags the blog when you're at the top.

A commentor said:

"Anyone who says traffic doesn't matter, relative to having a web presence, is either disingenuous or has a ton of traffic already. In Steve's case, likely both."

P.S.: It's called HYPOCRISY! Steve Rubel has redefined the art of tagging wrapping all his posts around ever popular keyword themes. "Blog", "Technorati, "Google", "Top Ten", "Best", "Success", "Killer", "Sex", "Porn"... whatever works. Slog that Technorati gravy train Steve and keep those numbers up.

Another commentor also mentioned performancing.com -- that self-absorbed group of omni poobahs forever beating their own drum. Until a couple of months ago nobody had ever heard of them. After spending a little advertising money at Technorati and a few smug posts later they have somehow transformed themselves into self-proclaimed blog experts.

Which only proves that if you toot your own horn loud and long enough you will begin to believe your own press. It also demonstrates how many gullible bloggers there are eager to jump on the blogging gold train.

Taking notes?

...shameless self-promoting tags: daily fisk blog weblog blogging blog tools technology tech fun funny humor humour technorati technorati tags keywords steve rubel link bait link baiting

Improved RSS Newsfeeds

2006-03-02T09:59:00.000-08:00

For your viewing pleasure we have improved our RSS newsfeeds. The feeds should be more readable and now come in three flavours.

You have three options to choose from:

1. Full Feed (the entire post);

2. Excerpts Only (a short intro to the post); or

3. Just Headlines only (self explanatory).

There are also three new options for joining our email newsletter. Just look at the right menu under the "Subscribe" menu.

Cheers!

You SUCK! Becoming an A-List Blogger

2006-02-24T15:02:00.000-08:00

Guy Kawasaki is running a contest to come up with a caption for a cartoon about his:

"abhorrent" article that I wrote called "How to Suck Up to a Blogger." Is this fun or what? I think it's flattering to know that you're worth skewering!

Nice try Guy. First you put your foot in it and then try to spin it off as a joke. A classic PR stunt to save face if there ever was.

Well the joke is on you bud and so the FISK has taken up the challenge to "skewer" his good buddy Guy one more time. Here goes.

Headline:

Schwag won't cut it this time:
So Kiss my Royal...

Bloggers' Response (shouting in unison):

And while you're at it kiss mine too!

DEFINITION of A-List:

"A" stands for anal retentive, and "List" means getting in line behind the rest of the suckers.

Be an A-List Blogger: So Kiss my royal...

2006-02-22T08:26:00.000-08:00

We're Not Worthy! Thanks to Guy Kawasaki's insightful comment that blogging isn't for "people who haven't done anything", I woke up this morning having one of those rare epiphany moments.

If you really want to be an A-list blogger, forget the analytics and don't sacrifice your self-respect like a dumb-ass groupie. Just get a job at a major computer corporation or write a book.

You may now kiss my royal you know what.
_______________________________________

DEFINITION of A-List: "A" means anal retentive, and "List" stands for getting in line behind the rest of the slobbering suckers.

Blog for Success: Just Suck Up

2006-02-21T22:42:00.000-08:00

Lately it seems that everybody is an expert when it comes to getting on the blog A-list.

Robert Scoble for example tells us that we should all go over to Technorati and do the brrreeeport search and make friends. That's great advice Robert, but I guess being a Microsoft employee/blogger had nothing to do with your new found "success" did it. (Rhetorial question).

Former Apple evangelist and author Guy Kawasaki tells us that successful blogging isn't just about having a great product. It's also about sucking up. Although I haven't tried it myself, one of my personal favorites is tip #4 - giving schwag.

"In case you hadn't noticed, most bloggers don't make a lot of money from their blogging efforts. Thus, samples of your product, t-shirts, tickets to the Stanley Cup Finals, etc can go a long way. I'm not saying you can buy bloggers, but you can make them happy pretty easily. Dollar for dollar, schwag for bloggers is one of the best marketing investments."

Many people have made good livings sucking up to get ahead (just look at the politicians), and we all know who we're supposed to suck up to, right? You guessed it -- the Scobles and Kawasakis et al (don't forget to buy their book while you're there.)

I can't help but wonder if Guy hadn't ever worked for Apple or wrote a book would we be reading his blog today? Let's be honest, the real reason why they are writing about making your blog successful is because they know that is what we want to read and they are padding their posts with search-engine friendly keywords.

Under the ruse of turning you from rags to riches, what they are really doing is driving traffic to their own blogs. Dangling the bait like all the other hucksters do. But what the hey -- it works, or at least it does for some.

Although that is not necessarily a bad thing, what the public seems not to be aware of is their efforts are completely self-serving. If they had not achieved a certain amount of notoriety before becoming bloggers we would probably not even take notice, otherwise they would not be promoting their resumes and writing under a pseudonym.

Here is another method that I've noticed many bloggers using to get traffic. Although it doesn't fall necessarily into the sucking-up category (or does it). Taking a cue from shock-jocks on the radio, running-off at the mouth with four-letter word expletives seems to work for some. Because being crude is cool as far as the younger generation is concerned.

At great personal risk to my well being I realize that I'm going against the flow by writing this post. I have yet to try baring my ass or selling my soul to the rest of the world, and I guess it just depends on how proud you are or how willing you are to sacrifice your integrity.

Personally I think that the product should stand on its own merit and let the rest of the shills sing their song. But I happen live by the golden rule that the more hype I hear is a clear indication that I should be running in the opposite direction as fast as I can. That rule has also served me well when it comes to investing.

In other words, perhaps what I am really trying to say is regardless if you sink or swim -- dare to be different from the rest of the crowd. If you are any good it should be reflected in your traffic numbers sooner or later.

But I digress. If you will send me front-row tickets to the Olympic hockey finals I will consider giving you a link. Oh yeah, I almost forgot to list my keywords -- success, money, rich, financially free, blogging evangelist, sex, expert...

This politically incorrect post has been provided courtesy of the daily FISK.

UPDATE!

Yahoo bans Allah, but Mohammad is OK

2006-02-20T17:43:00.000-08:00

Here is a story of how a Mr. Kallahar could not get a Yahoo email account and discovered that any word containing "allah" is banned.

You can however have email handles such as "pediphile" and a long list of other smarmy possibilities to choose from.

He exclaims: "why are they banning allah but allowing god, jesus, and mohammad?

One can only wonder who makes these decisions and apparently Yahoo isn't talking. If I were muslim I could develop an insecurity complex.

Before attempting to register a Yahoo account, save yourself the hassle and get a heads up on other words that are banned.

FARK's Fatwah

2006-02-18T02:05:00.000-08:00

Situation Comedies for Mohammed:

Talk about adding fuel to the fire.

...related posts: fun funny humor humour religion fark

Whittington Excuses Cheney

2006-02-17T12:44:00.000-08:00

Loyal to the end. You have to admire his devotion:

"We all assume certain risks in whatever we do," Whittington said. "Whatever activities we pursue and regardless of how experienced, careful and dedicated we are, accidents do and will happen."

Thanks for taking one for the Gipper. The cheque's in the mail.

Cheney's Excuses are NOT Plausible

2006-02-15T13:53:00.000-08:00

A FISK Exclusive:

Cheney's excuse for taking so long to talk is nonsense. To set the record straight the FISK is disclosing a recording (received today from a reliable source) of a telephone conversation that fateful day between Cheney and Bush.

The recording makes it clear that Cheney waited to get legal advice, and he got another person to call in the accident because he was busy on the cell phone asking Bush for directions.

Here is the gist of that confabulation:

Cheney: "GEORGE! I'm quail hunting and I just shot"... (voice becomes garbled).

Bush: "Now hold on Dick, your breaking up. Did you say that you shot Dan Quayle?"
(muttering: we can only wish.)

Cheney: "No, no, no... I said that I shot Harry Whittington!" (breathing heavily)

Bush: "Ok Dick, calm down will ya. I told you to take that anger management course."

Cheney: "Yeah George, I know, but it was an accident. No kidding! So what the hell do I do now?"

Bush: (muttering again) "you stupid son of a"...

Cheney: "What was that George?"

Bush: "Never mind. Whatever you do, don't shoot anyone else unless I authorize it first. Like Osama what's his name, um.... forget it.

Just keep your mouth shut and get yur ass over here pronto for a briefing. Our best lawyers are on it and we're sending a clean up crew over there now.

Oh yeah, I forgot to ask. Is he dead?"

Cheney: "No, he's still breathing. At least I think he is. Let me check... ... ... yeah, he's breathing better than I am right now."

Bush: "Then I guess you should get someone to call for an ambulance. It might be the right thing to do".

At this point the rest of the communication (at least several hours worth) becomes garbled again.

End of transmission.

Dick Cheney Shooting Triggers Jokes on TV

2006-02-14T09:31:00.000-08:00

Lethal weapon Dick Cheney has been targeted by TV comics who can't resist taking a parting shot at his recent hunting accident. For your sporting pleasure the FISK has plugged them all. Enjoy:

The Late Show With David Letterman (CBS)

"Good news ladies and gentleman, we have finally located weapons of mass destruction … It's Dick Cheney."

* * *
"We can't get Bin Laden, but we nailed a 78-year-old attorney."

* * *
"Honestly, I don't know what all of the fuss is about. What's more American than shooting your hunting buddy in the ass?"

* * *
"The guy who got gunned down is a Republican lawyer and a big Republican donor and fortunately the buck shot was deflected by wads of laundered cash. So he's fine. He took a little in the wallet."

* * *
From "Cheney's Excuses," Monday night's Top 10 list: "I thought the guy was trying to go gay cowboy on me."

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart (Comedy Central)

A partial transcript:

Jon Stewart: "Yes, as you've just heard, a near-tragedy over the weekend in south Texas. Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot a man during a quail hunt at a political supporter's ranch. Making 78-year-old Harry Whittington the first person shot by a sitting VP since Alexander Hamilton.

"Hamilton, of course, shot in a duel with Aaron Burr over issues of honor, integrity and political maneuvering. Whittington? Mistaken for a bird.

* * *
The other player in the drama? Ranch owner and eyewitness Katharine Armstrong.

Katharine Armstrong: "We were shooting a covey of quail. The vice president and two others got out of the car to walk up the covey."

Jon Stewart: "What kind of hunting story begins with getting out of your car? As I sighted the great beast before us, my shaking hands could barely engage the parking brake. Slowly, I turned off the A/C and silenced my sub-woofers…"

* * *
Katharine Armstrong: "A bird flushed. The vice president took aim at the bird and shot and unfortunately, Mr. Whittington was in the line of fire and got peppered pretty well."

Jon Stewart: "Peppered. There you have it. Harry Whittington, seasoned to within an inch of his life.

* * *
Jon Stewart: "I'm joined now by our own vice-presidential firearms mishap analyst, Rob Corddry. Rob, obviously a very unfortunate situation. How is the vice president handling it?

Rob Corddry: "Jon, tonight the vice president is standing by his decision to shoot Harry Wittington. According to the best intelligence available, there were quail hidden in the brush. Everyone believed at the time there were quail in the brush.

"And while the quail turned out to be a 78-year-old man, even knowing that today, Mr. Cheney insists he still would have shot Mr. Whittington in the face. He believes the world is a better place for his spreading buckshot throughout the entire region of Mr. Whittington's face."

Jon Stewart: "But why, Rob? If he had known Mr. Whittington was not a bird, why would he still have shot him?"

Rob Corddry: "Jon, in a post-9-11 world, the American people expect their leaders to be decisive. To not have shot his friend in the face would have sent a message to the quail that America is weak."

Jon Stewart: "That's horrible."

Rob Corddry: "Look, the mere fact that we're even talking about how the vice president drives up with his rich friends in cars to shoot farm-raised wingless quail-tards is letting the quail know 'how' we're hunting them. I'm sure right now those birds are laughing at us in that little 'covey' of theirs.

Jon Stewart: "I'm not sure birds can laugh, Rob."

Rob Corddry: "Well, whatever it is they do … coo .. they're cooing at us right now, Jon, because here we are talking openly about our plans to hunt them. Jig is up. Quails one, America zero.

Jon Stewart: "Okay, well, on a purely human level, is the vice president at least sorry?"

Rob Corddry: "Jon, what difference does it make? The bullets are already in this man's face. Let's move forward across party lines as a people … to get him some sort of mask."

Jimmy Kimmel Live (ABC)

Among the jokes in consideration for Monday's telecast:

"It's part of the president's new Social Security plan. Once you hit 78, kablamo."

* * *
"Luckily, the guy he shot was wearing the body armor that never got shipped to the troops."

* * *
"You know what they say, if Dick Cheney comes out of his hole and shoots an old man in the face, 6 more weeks of winter."

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno (NBC)

"Although it is beautiful here in California, the weather back East has been atrocious. There was so much snow in Washington, D.C. Dick Cheney accidentally shot a fat guy thinking it was a polar bear."

* * *
"When people found out he shot a lawyer his popularity is now at 92%"

* * *
"After he shot the guy, he screamed, 'Anyone else want to call domestic wire tapping illegal?' "

* * *
"Something I just found out today about the incident. Do you know that Dick Cheney tortured the guy for a half hour before he shot him?"

* * *
"Cheney's defense is that he was aiming at a quail when he shot the guy. Which means that Cheney now has the worst aim of anyone in the White House since Bill Clinton."

Source

Canadian Election 2006

2006-01-19T20:24:00.000-08:00

The Canadian election is the big news right now and things are heating up. If you want to have a good laugh then check out the Canadian Pundit's hilarious exposé of the man who may become the next Prime Minister of Canada.

Robertson Criticised on “False Information”

2006-01-10T21:22:00.000-08:00

In all fairness to our fisking of Reverend Pat, we would be remiss to not allow him his opportunity for rebuttal.

Soothsayer Robertson's "Ignorant" Remarks

2006-01-09T18:03:00.000-08:00

If (God forbid) something bad should ever happen to Pat Robertson, how can we interpret that?

Let me think about it ... ... ... Ok I'm still thinking... ... ... Now hold on just a galdang minute! Mois presume the mind of God? Crikey, I can't even make sense of my own life.

Scott Ott reports Christian broadcaster Pat Robertson told his viewers that God's wrath spurred Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon's massive stroke. Robertson also says his own "ignorant remarks are another manifestation of God's anger."

All that without even a crystal ball. Stay tuned, it gets more interesting.

Apparently Robertson said that God was punishing Mr. Sharon for dividing the land that He gave to the Israelites, and that Robertson's claims to divining the Lord's mind are His judgment on the American church.

"If Christians would read the Bible, instead of just watching TV, they would understand that people who claim to know exactly why God does what He does are usually false teachers," said Mr. Robertson. "God disciplines American Christians for their willful ignorance of the Scriptures by having me embarrass them every 60 days or so with another ridiculous remark."

Do I detect a little tongue in those puffy cheeks? Robertson summed it up saying God has judged Ariel Sharon by making him "old and morbidly obese" and a high risk for stroke.

"It's like a lightning bolt from heaven". Give me 50 amps nurse. Charge, clear - ZAAP!

Jumpin' Jehosephat! Maybe Soothsayer Pat should get his head out of the old testament and read the new version sometime. Show me love, yeah.

First Anal 'Funniest Blog Post' Awards for 2006

2005-12-24T18:02:00.000-08:00

I was googling for the funniest post of the year awards, and strangely enough I came up empty. The closest one I could find was this, but it is limited to only political blogs.

So the FISK thought he would get the ball rolling and make it open to everyone. Send me the links of your funniest posts for our First Annual (sorry about the freudian slip) 'Funniest Blog Post' Awards and the FISK will announce the winner in the new year.

BTW, voting for yourself is allowed as long as it's done discreetly.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year One and All

2005-12-24T13:06:00.000-08:00

The daily FISK wishes you and your loved ones a joyous festive season.

...Read more: christmas new year

I Hate Evil Landlords

2005-12-10T14:45:00.000-08:00

Wasn't Ebenezer Scrooge a landlord? With the coming festive season I thought it would be a good time to rant on one of my favorite peeves:

Have you Been Screwged Lately?

Money-mongers, the lot of them. Landlords won't hesitate to throw you out into the cold and snow. They will dance on your grave and roll in cockapoo if it meant getting the rent out of you.

Landlording has a long and proud tradition in common law that goes way back to the middle ages and beyond. Fatted 'lords' salivating for more land and wealth would drive off the peasantry, steal their property and make them serfs to work their own land.

If you don't believe me just ask the Irish who were forced to resettle in that new land of wet dreams called America.

Sometimes it was just the luck of the draw. Those same fatted 'lords' would round up the peasants to fight their wars over greed, power, God and king.

If you were on the losing side and survived they would expropriate your land and make you a tenant. If you died -- all the better and they would expropriate your land and make some other sucker work it. Either way the poor guy lost.

Obviously God ordained the winning side and wanted them to have it all. Makes sense right? It did to them.

Wonderful invention those words "expropriation" and "tenant". Just fancy terms for land seizure and the sucker that pays your bills.

It also makes you want to run out and pay for a tour of some thieving bastard's castle the next time you visit jolly old England. So what was that bloke's name anyway? Oh yeah, it was the Count of Dorkester or something like that. I say boycott the tour and make the lazy bastard get a job like the rest of us. And while you're there be sure to give my regards to old lady Liz.

Crooked judges who were also landlords scowl at you for being tardy in your rent. "Throw the scum into debtors prison" they shouted with the smash of a gavel. "Next victim please... too bad only witches are burned at the stake."

Of course, with the invention of judges and courts to protect the interests of the haves, they also needed lawyers to screw over the have-nots. Squeeze out the last few pennies from the stooge.

Apparently the term 'lawyer' was originally derived from the old english word 'liar'. But somewhere in the evolution of jurisprudence it got lost in the translation. Eventually the word was to become synonymous with another invention -- the "politician." (Don't get me going or we'll be here all night.)

Not much has changed over the years and here is a true story. I have a friend who has been unable to work for health reasons. His income is well below the poverty line and has to live in subsidized housing.

His nazis landlords have been trying to get rid of him and his mixed-race family. He has always paid his rent on time, has never been a problem to his neighbours and is a good citizen.

And yet the landlord has made up all kinds of malicious lies and dragged him in front arbitrators over and over again, only to lose in the end because they were proven to be liars and cheats. But that hasn't deterred them from trying again. A not so random act of terrorism if there ever was.

My friend can't move to another place because the government body that oversees subsidized housing says they will not intervene so long as he is "not in good standing" with his current landlord. Talk about a rigged system.

The arbitrators party with these a-holes and are on a first-name basis. After all, that is where their bread and butter comes from. If it weren't for evil landlords there would be no work to keep them in the comfort they are accustomed to. A bunch of self-serving schmucks if there ever was.

This Christmas my friend is facing another possible eviction. Again, over a made-up story by the landlord. If the dirtbags are successful, his family will have nowhere else to go except to the nearest park bench in the dead of winter.

Think kindly of him and his family as they go through another terrifying experience during this festive season. Let's hope there will be a happy ending for him and all the other not so well off families just like the real Christmas Carol.

Merry Christmas Mr. Scrooge. Humbug indeed!

Republicans: A Brief History

2005-12-03T16:37:00.000-08:00

I came across this tongue-in-cheek post about how different the United States would have been if the Republican Party had not been formed. Some of the tasty morsels are:

March 20, 1854
Opponents of Democrats’ pro-slavery policies meet in Ripon, Wisconsin to establish the Republican Party.

May 30, 1854
Democrat President Franklin Pierce signs Democrats’ Kansas-Nebraska Act, expanding slavery into U.S. territories; opponents unite to form the Republican Party.

June 16, 1854
Newspaper editor Horace Greeley calls on opponents of slavery to unite in the Republican Party.

You can read more about a history of the Republican party here. It presents an interesting paradox considering that the dems now have the majority black vote. They seem to have successfully reinvented themselves from minority transgressors to minority activists. How times have changed.

Of course, a hundred or more years later we can never be certain how much is based on actual fact or just revisionist propoganda. That is the problem with history -- it becomes colored through the lens of time and the interpreter, but it makes for an interesting read nonetheless.

He goes on to add:

Grrrrrr!
It just infuriates me how Democrats are glomming onto Rosa Parks' death to get face time. When Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat on that bus, the majority of blacks in the south were Republicans. It was Democrats who passed segregation laws, Democrats who made up "black codes" that made it impossible for blacks to vote, Democrats who hid under KKK hoods, Democrats who savaged blacks during peace marches, Democrats, Democrats, Democrats! Democratic cult figure John Kennedy promised in his campaign speeches to act swiftly to end discrimination if elected President. He was elected. And he didn't lift a finger to push forward the civil rights issue. As a senator, Kennedy also voted against President Eisenhower's 1957 Civil Rights Act. And now Democrats are posing as champions of freedom and justice -- like a person who passes gas in an elevator and pretends it was someone else who did it. Disgusting!!

The writer is anonymous and states "I've been a broadcaster for more than 32 years. I've held every job there is in a radio or television station. I've lived and worked all over the world and am presently writing for an international news agency based in Washington, DC. loneranger85@hotmail.com"

I've ruled out Dan Rather. Any suggestions?

...Read more: daily fisk fun humour humor

Thank You

2005-11-10T13:13:00.000-08:00

Thank you to everybody who has sent me their well-wishes.

Just a brief explanation:

I have dedicated so much time and effort to my blogs (I have several) that I neglected certain issues in my life that can no longer be ignored. Some of this has to do with health issues as well as financial.

It is times like this that serve as a reminder that we are only just human after all.

From the bottom of my heart I appreciate your concern and hope to resume blogging shortly. I don't know if I will be able to write daily, but I will do the best I can under the circumstances.

If anybody would like to contribute to this blog and help with some of the heavy lifting I will be happy to hear from you.

Thank you again for your support.

tags: daily fisk

We Pause for Station Identification

2005-11-06T13:55:00.000-08:00

The FISK is temporarily out of circulation. It seems that karma (and I don't mean electra) has decided to make trouble for us.

Should only be a temporary inconvenience and thank you for not giving up on us. We shall return. Promise.

tags: daily fisk

What Rove, Libby et al Have in Common

2005-11-01T11:26:00.000-08:00

We all know what happens to white collar criminals. They write a book and become television celebrities (not necessarily in that order).

So after spending more millions of tax-payers' dollars we were just wondering, what would be the point?

Ok, I won't keep you in suspense any longer. Here's the point:

It keeps senators, congress types and bloggers like me busy; sells news and wastes the public's time listening to groaning old farts hear themselves talk.

That goes for the Canuks too.

Nuff said.

...still more hubris and verbal pomposity yet to come - stay tuned...

tags: daily fisk political football news in the news news headlines headline news current affairs current events opinion rant ramblings random thoughts news and politics politics political nixon rove libby clinton regan bush political canada chretien scooter celebrities celebs fun funny humor humour

Happy Halloween from the daily FISK!

2005-10-31T16:18:00.000-08:00

Drive safely and watch out for kiddies on the street!

tags: daily fisk halloween fun funny humor humour

The Week that Was

2005-10-28T15:38:00.000-07:00

It's been a confusing week so I will attempt to shed a little light on all of the shenanigans.

Harriet Miers quits.

Meaning:

Bush already has too many brush fires to put out.

Scooter resigns.

Meaning:

Ad-Libby needs a time out to prepare his defence.

Bush sez:

"Today I accepted the resignation of (Scooter) Lewis Libby... who is one of the finest people I have ever worked with... but I gotta job to do, so"...

Meaning:

A brave show of loyalty by Bush, but you're on yur own Scooter - so scoot.

Make sense now? Then please explain it to me.

tags: daily fisk political football news in the news news headlines headline news current affairs current events opinion rant ramblings random thoughts news and politics politics political harriet miers scooter lewis libby bush patrick fitzgerald plamegate fun funny humor humour

Harriet Miers Makes a Hasty Retreat

2005-10-27T11:17:00.000-07:00

So sorry to see Harriet go. But didn't we have fun kicking her around?

She couldn't take the Heat. Got outta the Kitchen.

When you're caught in a crossfire, (especially friendly fire from your own power base) it doesn't take a genius (and that is something Harriet could never be accused of) to see the handwriting on the wall.

And speaking of George he had better rethink who his next mystery nominee is gonna be. Because like pappy always says - "would it be prudent".

Unless of course Bush wants another bloodbath on his hands (which I'm certain it will be no matter whom he chooses).

Harriet was just the warmup. Ready for round three? So let the games begin.

A more detailed take on the proceedings can be found at Political FootBall.

Will Pajamas Media Wake Up Blogs?

2005-10-26T04:18:00.000-07:00

Wired News asks: Will Pajamas Media Wake Up Blogs?

PJs isn't about elitism, or big business is it? Of course not. Heh, say it ain't so Roger. Say it ain't so. SLAP!

The site aims to be "a whole online news service of bloggers from all over the world," said (Roger) Simon. With a list of contributors that reads like a who's who of the political blogosphere, Pajamas Media thinks its daily blog picks will be of a higher quality than automated services like Memeorandum or keyword aggregators like Technorati.

"Technorati is a search engine; it's all technology. We are going to highlight blogs that we think are good for quality reasons," said Simon.

The site, which is limited to political bloggers now, is slated to become a blog portal for all kinds of subjects, including a lifestyle section. That would put it in competition with established blog networks like Gawker Media.

Louder criticism surrounds which editors Pajamas Media is choosing, as some think the venture will be partial to blogs that reflect Pajamas' political viewpoint. Richard Silverstein has analyzed some of the bigger names in Pajamas Media to show their conservative tilt in the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, saying that their viewpoints are farther to the right than Ariel Sharon's.

tags: blog weblog blogging blog tool blog search diary computing internet computers and internet technology tech business marketing daily fisk political football news in the news current affairs opinion rant ramblings random thoughts media pajamas media roger simon fun funny humor humour

It's called R E S P E C T Roger Simon

2005-10-23T18:56:00.000-07:00

An Open Letter to Roger Simon (aka Pajamas Media):

I was recently reminded that Roger Simon is a business partner with Pajamas Media, and since Roger has written an open letter to all bloggers I thought I would reciprocate with my own.

So this is for you Roger:

My Dearest Rog. In your bid to take over the blogosphere I wish to remind you of something. You may have been tinseltown's darling of yesteryear, but in the blogosphere you are just another electron. Here you have to earn your stars, and you are only as good as your last post.

Most bloggers are an intelligent, erudite lot, and don't insult our intelligence with your commiserable propaganda.

So heed my advice. If you want respect, give some.

tags: blog weblog blogging blog tool blog search diary computing internet computers and internet technology tech marketing business daily fisk political football news in the news news headlines headline news current affairs current events opinion rant ramblings random thoughts news and politics politics political media roger simon pajamas media fun funny humor humour

Sympathy for Karl Rove

2005-10-20T16:50:00.000-07:00

There is a special place in my heart for Karl Rove, and I'm not being ironic. We've had similar career experiences.

Maybe I think of him often because I see him so clearly. He's everywhere. Even when he's most invisible, he leaps out at me. Sometimes it's a fragment of speech, or the name of a program, or in the things people say and don't say.

Who could be against The Clean Air Act? And what true patriot would deliberately slash our cherished Bill of Rights were it not named The Patriot Act?

If No Child Left Behind were named All Children Left Behind By a Federal Takeover of Locally Funded Public Schools that Distracts Educators with Tantalizing Grants Most Will Never Receive, nobody would've gone for it. Especially the Christian Half of Karl's Wild Party. That's why he included in the name the Christian keywords "Left Behind." As any chain-reader of the books will attest, the last thing a saved soul needs is to get left behind, and when it comes to their children, Christians are like lions. They signed up.

People fall for this stuff because people trust the people they've entrusted to be trustworthy. It is the social contract, or was. Everybody knows that nobody would just slap a nice cuddly name on a ruthless piece of legislation and expect anybody to believe it's anything other than what it says it is. Who'd do something that sophomoric?

Karl. Karl would. Karl steals his power from the public trust. While America watches the movie, Karl sneaks backstage the powers that be and reveals to them all that is theirs if only they sign on now; deals sealed less by wink than twinkle. There's pork in bad ideas, and those who represent the public interest tend to represent their own when they're assured nobody's watching. Karl Rove, without judgement, gives generous cover to all who come, and greatly is he loved.

Magnificent are his achievements, staggering his spare physics, for gently he tugs at just the right string and a thousand Christian boats interlock to the Battleship Republican, squaring the power of both.

Rove's talents may only be master level Simony, but his real accomplishments are testaments to the superiority of whispers over speech, of rumors over news, image over substance, and the abiding gullability of the public.

Could it really be that simple, that cynical, that sinister? Oh, absolutely, it's all that and more. Rove's power is, by his own self-description, Rasputinlike. Rasputinlike.

Is it hubris? Or humor? His deadpan honesty, we conclude, is a joke. But the joke, as everybody knows, is where the truth hangs out. He's Rasputin all right. No disputin.'

Rove has the genes of a nerd, the soul of an artist and the heart of a teenager addicted to revenge. But he cares passionately about pleasing his boss, who's the coolest guy he ever met. George Bush is Karl's alter ego, his buddy, his friend, his boss, his completion, while Karl is George's entire left side.

Today, nearing the end of Act II, George II, these two best buds battle side by side their multiplying crises, some tsunamic, others swarming like tsetses: the Plame affair, the Katrina misunderstanding, the money trail out of Iraq, babes that don't belong in these pictures, and the total approval of the African-American community holding steady at 2%.

Karl, pierced and bleeding, is hauled back and forth to a grand jury a preposterous four times, but finds the strength for swordplay, defending now the president, himself, and his government from inside assaults by his own people, the so-called Christians--he made these people! Gurgling through a death rattle he manages to sneak in a cheer for old Harriet, but it's too late. He remains on the stage floor, dip to black, curtain, end Act II, intermission.

Whatever happens in Act III, the spirit of Karl Rove will remain central to the story, for it was Karl who showed us how to lie by telling part of the truth, and then another part of it, in such a manner as to nudge the public through a magnificent, but totally mental, maze. Rumor is there's cheese.

And Harriet. George's worst idea ever. And Karl. Pingmaster. Does he return to Pong? I see him staring now, at his fingers, not in jail but a place even worse in his mind. I was him, am him, but I quit that now, because lying for a living guaranteed I'd never find truth, and telling the truth guaranteed a sparcity of clients, so I split the difference and today I lie for free.

Karl Rove is no Curt Fisher--and I think if he knew my work even Karl Rove would admit that. Never heard of CW Fisher? Cover. Me and Karl, we share certain traits. We're both artists of a rare sort: who, by whispering, can levitate a people. But Karl, Karl went long. Went a little long.

Final thoughts: If the truth hurts enough to make you cry, it could either be a great lesson or a big stinking lie. But if the truth makes you laugh, then it's partially true, but which part is unclear. But if the truth sets you free, it'll set others free too. And that's its only measure. Truth sets free, lets free, makes free and is free, amen amen. Amen.

'Pajamas Media' Network for Elitist Bloggers only

2005-10-17T22:23:00.000-07:00

The innocence of its name belies the true nature of this new virtual organism.

Meaning? PJs is a powerplay by a handful of elitist bloggers to carve out a new media empire for their personal (and financial) gratification.

"Pajamas Media, a new blogging venture designed to bring together top online writers, journalists and commentators under a single umbrella, today unveiled its editorial board as it prepares for its formal debut next month.

The announcement comes as Pajamas Media further realizes its vision of coalescing the internet's brightest minds and most compelling content into a single source that will, in turn, complement and re-define journalism in the 21st century."

So there you have it folks. The brightest stars in the virtual firmament who are going to "re-define journalism in the 21st century".

Can you believe the hype? The kahunas! A bunch of pompous self-serving goofballs if there ever was.

And speaking of balls, here I thought re-defining journalism is what the blogosphere is all about, even without the help of PJs et al. Silly me.

They are touting Glenn Reynolds as one of their greatest acquisitions. I must confess that I am all the more enlightened from his inspired and in depth analysis. Spewing his best Spock impersonations such as "indeed" and "indeed", or one of my personal favorites... "indeed".

Do you think perhaps they might (hopefully) consider (God willing) allowing us insignificant pee-ons add our (albeit smallish) comments to their omnipoobah flatulation? Well try this one on for size:

"Golly gee Instapundit, you sure are great. I was really hoping that if you might possibly consider linking to me some time. Pretty please, and I promise to forever be your grovelling fan... pant, pant, drool."

Or will it be the same old droning monologue we're all accustomed to - the sermon from the mount a la Instapun style.

Hell, if we wanted sermons we can always watch Anderson Cooper 360 report to the CNN situation room. So much for a blogging community folks.

Guys, you've got it all mixed up. If you want a one-sided conversation find a soap box and run for public office. Or better still make an application to CNN.

If you want to write a book then write the stinkin' book. If you want to build an exclusive empire so you can call the shots, give Bill Gates a call. But if you want to blog, join the community.

BUT damn it choose, because they're different. Got it? (Are you listening Glenn)?

Can somebody please explain to me how all this nonsense benefits the blogosphere? Oh yeah right, I forgot - it doesn't.

It sounds more like Al Gore's reinvention of the internet than anything else. So let's be clear boys and girls - it is the technology and all of our collective efforts that has re-defined journalism. Not just a few arrogant twits.

Not since the invention of the printing press has so much been given to the common folk. It is its inclusive, collaborative nature and community spirit that gives blogging its influential power.

HELLO! Are you listening? The blogosphere is not the exclusive playground of an old-boys network trying to elevate itself above the rest of us mere mortals.

That is bass-ackwards thinking, destructive and the last thing we need. Another media empire of self-important opportunists believing in their own press, shovelling verbal poop down our collective throats.

Think about it. Did we take down Dan Rather just to create a job opening for Reynolds? I don't think so. Personally I'd rather have Dan back (no pun intended). And for that matter I hear he's looking for work. Any takers?

It's the same old story. If it becomes popular the politicians have to control it, and the capitalists want to exploit it.

Not that I object to making money from blogging. God knows I could use the extra coin. But it is their elitist business model and its ominous implications that I find offensive.

It's called good old fashioned exploitation. The great American way. Look out Weblogs here we come.

Mark my words. The blogosphere is on the fast track to being hijacked by the control freaks and big business interests.

More restrictive laws and government intervention. Acquisitions and mergers, IPO offerings, get-rich-quick dot-com scam artists, media moguls, ABC, MSNBC, FOX, Pajamas party, whatever.

Sounding all too familiar? PJs is a cash grab. Plain and simple. And for whose benefit? The way it reads right now PJs will benefit only a few elitists, that's who.

Perhaps it got lost in the translation, but until they can find a more inclusive model the blogosphere needs this shite like a hole in the head.

```

UPDATE: An Open Letter to Roger Simon

*This post also appeared at Political Gateway.

tags: daily fisk news in the news news headlines headline news current affairs current events opinion rant ramblings random thoughts media instapundit pajamas media new media fun funny humor humour

Yo, Adrienne... one more for Mickey?

2005-10-17T20:37:00.000-07:00

(cue the music) Sly must be delinquent in support payments keeping his ex-wives in the comfort they are accustomed to.

Apparently another comeback for Rocky is in the offing with its sixth incarnation, and quite frankly I'm all pins needles.

Stallone wrote the screenplay so we can expect more great dialogue like:

"Yo, Adrienne, it's me, Rocky...I don't know what to say, 'cause I ain't never talked to no door before, ya know...Yo, Adrienne, you know, it's Rocky again, you know. Listen, uh, I know you ain't too happy at this moment, ya know. But could ya do me a favor, ya know, I ain't got nobody to spend Thanksgiving with, ya know? So, uh, how about maybe you and I, I mean, we'll go out together and get somethin' to eat, I don't know, maybe laugh a little bit, who knows, ya know?" (Rocky 1976).

Or such other classics like ADRIENNE! Mickey cut me! (Or something along those lines).

I can't wait!

tags: daily fisk political football news in the news news headlines headline news rant ramblings random thoughts rocky sly sylvester stallone entertainment movies celebrities boxing fun funny humor humour

Finished with the Upgrade (I think)

2005-10-16T21:28:00.000-07:00

Ok, hopefully it will be back to business tomorrow. I'm finished with the upgrades (at least for now). At first glance you may not notice much difference but I can assure you that it was a lot of work. The site has many new embellishments that should make your browsing experience all the more enjoyable, as well as more productive. There's too much to mention so let's just say it was worth the effort.

Enjoy!

tags: daily fisk

International Mock-Kos Day

2005-10-15T04:02:00.000-07:00

Join the festivities over at CatHouse Chat

Ya gotta admit the KOSsack looks great in loin skin.

Ummm, I could say more but the pic sez it all.

Muck and Mier

2005-10-13T14:31:00.000-07:00

They say the GOP could split right down the middle, that the Christian Right is rising out of its pews, incensed that Bush would squander their last best shot at reversing the legality of abortion by nominating to the bench one of his own staffers, whose chief features are gender and likeability.

The Christians had the idea he'd nominate somebody from their own talent pool, maybe an actual judge, somebody with tremendous eyebrows and a kindly nature, slow of tongue, low of ink, with a past and future as unreadable as the face of God--instead they got prom queen.

Cronyism is a manifestation of cowardice that all people are prone to, especially presidents: they want to work with their people.

Power, after all, begins and ends with this mysterious coating called mypeople; it is they who provide the irradiating sheen that arcs across auditoriums and embeds itself in the minds of millions.

So it's wise to take care of mypeople, smart to reward their loyalty, and genius to promote them far beyond their capacity because it increases the bond between tendon and suit and creates a power incorruptible as long as those in power remain plugged in.

Bush wouldn't be the first president to think he could swing a vote with a phone call. And while history has shown this arrangement almost never works out, who's to say it can't?

Maybe it's time for pocket justice. Who's to say?

Not us.

tags: daily fisk political football news in the news news headlines headline news current affairs current events opinion rant ramblings random thoughts news and politics politics political

Same Old Shite

2005-10-13T02:48:00.000-07:00

Courtesy of Puppethead blog. It's stupid crap like this that give the rest of us bloggers a bad name.

While it is healthy in a democracy to have discord in discourse (look it up sock puppet), some juveniles have failed to learn how to spell beyond four letter words. It's a classic case of learning the technology before even knowing how to use it wisely.

The FISK recommends that these cretins go back to school and learn how to control their primitive urges and communicate intelligently before sitting behind a computer keyboard. Oy!

tags: daily fisk news in the news current affairs current events opinion rant ramblings random thoughts news and politics politics fun funny humor humour

FeedBlitz eMail Subscription Service

2005-10-12T15:55:00.000-07:00

We've moved our newsletter email subscription service over to FeedBlitz. Don't worry, FeedBlitz made the migration process painless, so if you already have a subscription there's nothing more you have to do. You will still receive our newsletter every day.

So why would you want to subscribe to our email newsletter? And is it safe? Read the FeedBlitz faq to find the answer.

Why the switch from Bloglet? Well, for starters Bloglet hasn't worked most of this past year. Emails go unanswered and it looks like the owner's heart isn't into maintaining it any longer. We appreciate the service all these years but it's time to move on.

FeedBurner has also partnered with FeedBlitz, and if it's good enough for them then it's good enough for me. FeedBlitz offers superior service and features, so for us the move was a no brainer.

tags: daily fisk email newsletter

Barbecue for Harriet Miers

2005-10-10T18:24:00.000-07:00

Bush Says Trust me!

Well, apparently Harriet does.

Is it cronyism, patronage, or just friendship? Call it what you will, but in our book favoritism is all the same.

There's more to a supreme court judge than being a friend of the president, a bar fly, or even a nice person.

Then again, schmoozing with the high and mighty is the way that most climb their way to the top. Just ask George. (Are ya proud pappy)?

Notwithstanding, with the impending confirmation roast um, I mean hearing, this will be your opportunity to impress us. So use the opportunity well girl.

```
See you at the church picnic Harriet. Oh, and by the way, don't forget that favours aren't cheap. Keep your ear to the phone 'cause I may be a-callin' someday.

...Dubya

tags: daily fisk political football news in the news news headlines headline news current affairs current events opinion rant ramblings random thoughts news and politics politics political media bush harriet miers supreme court fun funny humor humour

Happy Thanksgiving Canada

2005-10-10T12:46:00.000-07:00

tags: blog weblog blogging diary political football news in the news current affairs current events rant ramblings random thoughts society canada thanks giving

WANTED: A Few Good Bloggers

2005-10-09T01:50:00.000-07:00

Why not become a contributing writer for the daily FISK?

We are continually on the lookout for talented writers so send us an email along with your name, blog URL (if you have one) and we'll go from there.

BTW, you can always send us news tips via email, or use the anonymous submission form (FISK button).

Check out our faq for more details. Look forward to hearing from you.

tags: blog weblog blogging diary computing internet computers and internet technology tech political football media writers writing

Sorry for the delay

2005-10-06T13:11:00.000-07:00

The daily FISK continues to have problems. What started out as a simple maintenance and upgrade has ended up to be a major headache. Aren't computers wonderful?

We expect to be back to business as usual shortly. We appreciate our loyal readers and sincerely apologize for the inconvenience.

tags: daily fisk

IT'S A WOMAN! WHAT A SURPRISE!

2005-10-03T15:41:00.000-07:00

AND THE WINNER IS: This time around it's the wife who comes out on top.

APPARENTLY George doesn't want to sleep in the hall where the secret service hang out between nightly snack runs to the White House kitchen. Must keep up appearances you know.

FIRST CHOICE WAS cutie-pie John Roberts and his irresistible, endearing smile. Now it's this sweet little old lady Harriet Miers who is Bush's next chosen Supreme Court appointee. So what if she's never been a judge before. She's a good ole friend of George, female and ain't she sweeeet.

WHAT ARE WE to make of all this? Is there really a secret dem's list of acceptable candidates like some conspiracist bloggers say? Is it possible that George is all bushed out and not up to another fight? Or is Miers a fire-breathing conservative mole laying beneath that cuddly wrinkled skin? Heh, fooled ye - Dubya style.

SO WHAT THE HEY is Bush up to anyway? Psssst - I'll let you in on a little secret... Laura's the mole.

tags: daily fisk political football news in the news news headlines headline news current affairs current events opinion rant ramblings random thoughts news and politics politics political bush supreme court harriet miers fun funny humor humour

New Court emerges

2005-10-01T22:04:00.000-07:00

CW FISHER
He's just been sworn in to a lifetime appointment as Chief Justice of the United States Supreme Court, yet no one, not even the President, has a clue about where John Roberts stands on any issue, which means his hearings were a complete success.

Supreme Court confirmation hearings are awkward by nature, mainly because Senators enjoy using their C-Span minutes to their best advantage and amusement. First they want to thank everybody by name. Then they want to tell an unrelated story tied to an unrelated point. This goes on until the nominee squints, shifts and reaches for his water glass at which time the senator drops the bomb, timed to explode when he swallows. The bomb is a hot button issue framed in the form of a 'What if?' question. But the bomb isn't what you might think. If this were baseball, the bomb would be the easy lob over the plate.

What if the hearings had gone the way of Clarence Thomas, back when the the big question was whether or not Anita Hill put a pubic hair on his can of Coke? We never found that out either, so Thomas got through, and today he's one weirdass Supreme Court Justice, a man whose ideas border on the insane. And he got through. He got through not by lowering the bar, but by excavating the bar.

Here's something we can all be thankful for: Antonin Scalia didn't got the job. Imagine that 'what if' scenario. Scalia's a swaggerer. Justice doesn't swagger. Dick Cheney swaggers. Justice doesn't.

Bush now has one more appointment. It could go to a woman, like his wife wants, or it could go to a white guy, like George. Or it could go to a Hispanic guy named Alberto Gonzales, Bush's first choice, the man who shredded the Geneva conventions, a lawyer whose primary vantage point of the Constitution has always been from its farthest edge.

Oh well. It's a spectator sport. It's where a third of the power of the US government resides, but the people have no power over any of it. Such a strange and oddly papal process.

A FISKING we will go

2005-10-01T16:58:00.000-07:00

SEARCHING TECHNORATI popularity list I notice that Wil Weaton of Star Trek fame has beat out Doc Searls. How embarrassing. With clever posts like "I've stirred up some epic database problems"... or one of my favs - "I cleaned out about 5/8 of my garage today", one can only wonder???

THE BLAME GAME over Katrina continues. According to Newsweek, it was because of "bureaucratic timidity, bad phone lines and a failure of imagination". The POTUS (Bush) is described as "warm and hearty in public", and can be "cold and snappish in private". If they think that is bad they should meet the FISK first thing in the morning...

WE ALL KNOW that Browny is out (sort of). He's no longer FEMA chief but they're keeping him around long enough to protect Bush and blame everyone else (including God, Elvis and the Louisiana government - not necessarily in that order)...

Dishing it out daily...

ANDREW SULLIVAN dishes it out to Armando at the Daily KOSsack over rants about discrimination. Interestingly, Andrew is an activist homosexual and yet he opposes "affirmative action". Will wonders never cease? Watch out while you're surfing his site for the numerous "support this buttons". One wrong click and it will cost you...

INSTAPUN Glenn Reynolds admits to a roving eye and sees more women on campus than men. (Don't tell the instawife)...

WHOA! It's a beautiful day in the blogosphere and I'm just getting started.

tags: blog weblog blogging diary daily fisk political football news in the news news headlines headline news current affairs current events opinion rant ramblings random thoughts news and politics politics political media katrina bush new orleans media instapundit daily dish andrew sullivan wil weaton daily kos fun funny humor humour

Spinning dizzy in a quagmire

2005-09-26T23:35:00.000-07:00

A quick scan of Google News shows another day a-spin with self-refuting irony from deeply unconscious people. Last week Katrina killed 10,000 poor people and Bush didn't care; this week it killed only 742 poor people but he wants to spend $200 billion of borrowed money to bring the city back to life. Enter Rita, not a 4 but a 5, make that a 3, spinning toward Houston. Bush, meanwhile, is spinning at 6. What happens when America pierces its credit limit? Do we pawn the Mesopotamian antiquities?

Following the money trail back to Baghdad is easy, but it disperses after that. Some US dollars have been been used to feed, clothe and bury the 1,900 American men and women who were killed in the line of duty since the president declared an end to the major war effort in Iraq. If only there'd been enough money left over to armor the humvees, they might still be alive. The fact that more Americans died after the war than during it is a demonstration of the power of linguistics. Bush now says we'll be there as long as the violence continues, which is another way of saying permanently. Meanwhile, the Iraqis draft their overdue constitution in the middle of a civil war that the Bush administration won't recognize let alone dignify with such an inflammatory descriptor as 'civil war.' Or is it flammatory? And also, don't we need to get a new army now? You know, for home and stuff? Since this one is occupied?

tags: daily fisk political football news in the news current affairs current events opinion rant ramblings random thoughts news and politics politics political media bush iraq katrina hurricane katrina new orleans

I'm an APEMAN, I'm an APE, APE MAN

2005-09-26T11:48:00.000-07:00

New Chimp Analyses Supports Theory of Evolution?

God help me. The portrait below is beginning to look more realistic every time that I look at it.

According to a Washington Post article today, in a courtroom in Harrisburg, Pa. a federal judge will begin hearing a case that asks whether ID or other alternative explanations deserve to be taught in a biology class.

Coincidentally, last month scientists announced they had determined the exact order of all 3 billion bits of genetic code that go into making a chimpanzee, and the sequence was more than 96 percent identical to the human genome.

Eric Lander, a geneticist at the Broad Institute of MIT and Harvard in Cambridge, Mass. tallied the harmful mutations in the chimp genome, and apparently the number fit perfectly into the range that evolutionary theory had predicted.

Does this prove that Darwin was right? Or was God just practicing on our ape cousins? Which might really prove that God has a sense of humour after all.

Being the nice guy that he is, the FISK proposes a compromise. How's about we say Adam is our great granddaddy, and Lucy is the hairy chick that Adam messed around with behind Eve's back. What do you think?

Won't you sing along with me?

I think I'm sophisticated
'cos I'm living my life a good homo sapiens.
But all around me ev'rybody's multiplying
And they're walking round like flies man:
So I'm no better than the animals
Sitting in the cages in the zoo man
'cos compared to the flowers and the birds
And the trees
I am an APEMAN.
I think I'm so educated and I'm so civilised
'cos strict vegetarian. And with the over population
And inflation and starvation crazy politicans.
I don't feel safe in this world
No more don't want to die in a nuclear war.
I want to sail away to a distant shore
And make like an APEMAN.
I'm an APEMAN
I'm an APE
APE MAN
Oh
I'm an APE MAN.
I'm a king-kong man
I'm a voodoo man
Oh
I'm a APE MAN.
'cos compared to the sun that sits in the sky
Compared to the clouds as they roll by
Compared to the bugs and the spiders and flies
I am an APE MAN. La
la
la
la...
In man's evolution he has created
The cities and the motor traffic rumble
But give me half a chance and I'd be taking
Clothes and living in the jungle.
But the only time that I feel at ease
Swinging up and down in a coconut tree.
Oh
what alife of luxury to be like an APE MAN.
I'm an APE MAN
I'm an APE
APE MAN
Oh
I'm an APE MAN.
I'm a king-kong man
I'm a voodoo man
Oh
I'm a Ape MAN.
I look out of the window
but I can't see the sky
'cos air polution is a fogging up my eyes
I want to get out of this city alive
And make like an APE MAN.
Come and love me
be my APE MAN girl
And we'll be so happy in my APE MAN world.
I'm an APE MAN
I'm an APE
APE MAN
Oh
I'm an APE MAN.
I'm a king-kong man
I'm a voodoo man
Oh
I'm a APE MAN.
I'll be your Tarzan
you'll be my Jane
I'll keep you warm and you'll keep me sane
We'll sit in the trees and eat bananas
All day just like an APE MAN.
```
... lyrics by Ray Davies and the Kinks

tags: daily fisk political football news in the news current affairs current events opinion rant ramblings random thoughts news and politics politics political society science evolution intelligent design fun funny humor humour

Men Are Happier Creatures

2005-09-22T16:14:00.000-07:00

So Why Are Men Happier?

What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, they can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for all your relatives on December 24 in 30 minutes.

No wonder men are happier!

Send this to the women in your life who can handle it, and to the men who will enjoy reading it.

```
I got this in an email from a friend and thought you might enjoy it. I know I did.

Categories: blog weblog blogging diary daily fisk rant ramblings random thoughts media society fun funny humor humour

Jesus, George, slow down a little

2005-09-22T11:17:00.000-07:00

CW FISHER
Dubya, you got two switches on your console: off or on. Apparently, you're on now. Wow. I hear you're going to build dream homes for a whole bunch of folks and that you want me to pay my part. Did you talk to anybody about this first, or was it something you came up with on the plane? Because...

George, you said you were wrong, but then you kept talking! Wrong people ought to shut up. Listen. You and your Feds were No Call No Show. People died. Now you got to show me, and I don't mean the bill.

Understand something. You and your Feds didn't save the people of the Gulf coast, the people of the Gulf coast did. It's not that you were late. It's that you didn't come. Didn't call. Broke major promises. And when got here, looked around, came back with just the thing. A speech.

You learned from this event that you need to spend more money. We learned from this event that you need to put your hand back in your pocket and get out of the way--we're busy.

Regarding toilets. Fecal matter was the greatest enemy of the people, and the solution was plastic garbage bags, kitchen size. Each bag holds 8 pounds. A box of 100 holds 800 lbs. Best if placed in a 5 gallon bucket with a toilet seat, but will do in a pinch by the handheld method. Handles all forms of human waste plus toilet paper without water. When it's full, after 3-4 uses, the bag is tied, and placed in a larger, stronger bag, until the whole shabang fits in one Lawn Hefty. Safer, cleaner, faster, cheaper than portable outdoor toilets.

Regarding Shelters. Why build something you have to transport by helicopter and then assemble with a labor force that also has to be flown in? Inflatable buildings are lightweight, easy to transport even in conventional vehicles, and cheap. Each building requires forced air conditioning and heat powered by propane or generator.

This is where you start, George. With the basics. You don't go straight to the dream home. You think first about poo and pee. Then a roof. Maybe a bite to eat. See. This is where you start.

Man.

Living in the Homeland is a lot scarier than it was when I lived in America.

Categories: daily fisk political football news in the news current affairs current events opinion rant ramblings random thoughts news and politics politics political media terror society bush katrina hurricane katrina new orleans fun funny humor humour

Presidents Bush & Co. R&R in New Orleans

2005-09-20T14:30:00.000-07:00

FISK Exclusive! A picture of Presidents Bush & Co. doing some father and son bonding after a speech in New Orleans. Bush junior was quoted saying:

"The weather might not be that good, but the fishin' sure is great!"

The rumour mill says that if his 200 billion dollar face lift doesn't work he plans to rename the city "New Venice". Apparently Dad turned away rolling his eyes, but we haven't been able to confirm that yet.

Categories: fun funny humor humour bush new orleans katrina hurricane katrina satire

Bush Pulls It

2005-09-20T13:45:00.000-07:00

The FBI is looking for a few good men.

Dicks need not apply.

Bush Unveils His New Terrorist Strategy. Osama is nowhere to be found so Bush pulls another fast one and declares war on porn.

Bush was recently quoted as saying:

"Heck, we gotta have a war we can win. It's good for the country's morale and makes me look busy".

Bush went on to add that America needs a diversion from Iraq and New Orleans, and so he decided porn was the logical choice:

"The time has come to clean up the internet from pimple-faced terrorist geeks who have nothing better to do than gawk at air-brushed cyber-chicks and make fun of me in their blogs."

Evidently the real impetus for Bush's change of strategy is his anger with bloggers. And this time he means business:

"We're gonna root them out, and attack all the ISP's that harbour them, and all those who have linked to them."

Bush's bravado knows no bounds, and as if that weren't enough he went on further to say:

"We will smoke them out from behind their computers. We will capture their IP addresses dead or alive" said Bush.

According to sources the FBI has even partnered with the RIAA and Disney because of their vast expertise in tracking down and prosecuting cyber criminals.

"Their days are numbered. If they think they can run and hide from the United States and our allies they will be sorely mistaken".

Crikey. I don't know about you but I'm uninstalling Kazaa tonight! Here's a tip from the FISK. Call your broker right away and buy stock in Playboy magazine. Circulation should see an immediate and HUGE increase in size. Because in Texas size is everything.

Original Washington Post Article:

"I guess this means we've won the war on terror," said one exasperated FBI agent, speaking on the condition of anonymity because poking fun at headquarters is not regarded as career-enhancing. "We must not need any more resources for espionage."

"The FBI is joining the Bush administration's War on Porn. And it's looking for a few good agents. The new squad will divert eight agents, a supervisor and assorted support staff to gather evidence against "manufacturers and purveyors" of pornography -- not the kind exploiting children, but the kind that depicts, and is marketed to, consenting adults."

"Among friends and trusted colleagues, an experienced national security analyst said, "it's a running joke for us." A few of the printable samples:

"Things I Don't Want On My Résumé, Volume Four."

"I already gave at home."

"Honestly, most of the guys would have to recuse themselves."

Gosh I feel safer already!

```
Would you believe it? As I was writing this piece the site went down.

Categories: daily fisk political football news in the news current affairs current events opinion rant ramblings random thoughts news and politics politics political society fun funny humor humour satire

Daily KOS shows his True Colors

2005-09-19T12:22:00.000-07:00

This is a classic case of what happens when one begins to believe in one's own press. After FISKing the KOS last week we were prepared to give the guy a break. But upon reading the following diatribe we just couldn't resist.

TODAY he makes another interesting statement. He poo-poos on "blogger ethics", mocks missing "white" girls and confesses to self divination... all in only one paragraph and breath. Now that takes talent.

"Every time I hear talk of a blogger ethics conference, I laugh so hard my stigmata starts acting up. If we want the newsmedia to get back to reporting news -- and I mean actual, politically sensitive news, not breathless on-the-scene reports from whatever stagelit tropical scene White Girl Number 23 has disappeared from this week -- we need to surgically detach the news organizations from the conglomerates that have subsumed them."

AN OPEN LETTER TO KOS:

MY DEAREST MarKOS: For your edification, please understand that "Blogger ethics" does not mean succumbing under the control of mainstream media. It simply means that bloggers (such as yourself) should aspire to higher standards of professionalism.

THAT is something you should personally take to heart because it is for the benefit of dudes like you why there is a need for these conferences in the first place.

And BTW, why are you picking on the "white" chicks? Don't you know that disaster courts no sexual preference and is color blind?

THEN AGAIN maybe that's your problem. Instead of suffering from a Christ-complex, perhaps you misspelled again and really meant to call it a stigmatism? One can only wonder.

The FISK strongly recommends that you visit an optometrist, and the next time you watch the news remove the colored lens of your personal bias.

BUT silly me, there I go forgetting again... controversy sells and keeps those numbers up. So please forgive me if I don't hold my breath.

KOS, you have become exactly what you pretend to revile in the mainstream media so look in the mirror once in a while bud. Sigh. Need more be said? Think not.

Sincerely,

```
*In hindsight, perhaps we should have started a blog devoted entirely for the KOS' benefit? There's certainly enough material there. Food for thought.

Categories: daily fisk political football news in the news current affairs current events opinion rant ramblings random thoughts news and politics politics political media fun funny humor humour daily kos kos

Lame duck stopped by passing buck

2005-09-16T03:11:00.000-07:00

It is an awesome and solemn sight to see the POTUS bear full responsibility for an act of God, but it gives God a break and shuts up the critics and lifts the national discourse high above the prickly topic of consequences for his own dishonorable actions that guaranteed the failure of the New Orleans levee this year or the next.

Only a week ago, Bush was flying over and issuing denials while nobody did nothing and especially not him, until the man who never looks at polls went into freefall.

Desperate and alone he blamed everyone around him, especially the blamin' blamers that wanted to keep playin' the blame game, until finally, on his third trip back to the ruins of New Orleans, he fell to his knees--kersplash! and cried aloud for Karl. Rove, sequestered, depressed, some say honeymooning, unkempt as a bald man gets, phoned it in. Who else would dare deploy such an old preppy trick as IWW?

I Was Wrong is the Hail Mary of last ditch political cover. In this example, Bush admits it was all his fault, a ridiculous overstatement, but nice of him, we guess, since we all know it takes a big man to admit he's wrong. Now he sees his errors. Now he sees the future. It's the New New Orleans, and together, we'll build it.

The complicated, detailed plan for the redo of the Gulf Coast that Bush outlined tonight did not come to him in a dream the night before. The plan was planned.

IWW's endgame strategy relies on a solid foundation of selfmortification on which you then construct a vision of the future, feathery as heaven, but the way things will be, by God, where all the men and women are equal and all the kids are free, and all of them are out there, picturing themselves in this picture you paint of regular people helping people help people, reaching out. You know. IFM. Then pop! comes the promise, bolder and brighter than what most Americans were frankly expecting. Pop goes the promise, briefer than a metor, quick as a punchline, no joke. New Orleans will rise again because America can't live without her.

Suddenly a nation that only yesterday was so outraged is today silent, stung, perhaps, by a slap of guilt: you could have done more! says a nation to itself. Gripped by doubt, sore with remorse, a nation feels pretty stupid, it guesses. Because you know what?

You know what?

The president was wrong. And we were wrong about the president. The president tells the truth. It's gonna take money, your money, the money you call 'my money,' and it's gonna take it now, but the payoff in the future is the bridge to Jeb, the Repealer.

Why is a lame duck president promising money we don't have, can't afford, and can't borrow, to fix what only last week he treated like a swamp, and today envisions in terms of billions of dollars, lit up in lights, glowing even in daylight, shores of parkland, cities built from scratch, from your scratch and my scratch. It's more than New Orleans. All part of Bushland. Dubya's Isle. The Barbara Bush Bridge. Laura Bush Bay. George W. Bush Harbor. George H.W. Bush Drive.

Lame Duck passes buck to Baby Duck. Goes long.

Categories: daily fisk political football news in the news current affairs current events opinion rant ramblings random thoughts news and politics politics political bush rove katrina hurricane katrina new orleans media society fun funny humor humour

Insurance Companies are Screwing New Orleans

2005-09-15T12:14:00.000-07:00

I EQUATE trying to collect from insurance companies with playing the slot machines at Las Vegas. Vegas gives you better odds. In this writer's opinion the insurance business is one of the biggest legalized rackets around. In fact I wouldn't be surprised if the Mafia were major shareholders.

WHICH brings me to one of my favorite rants. Don't you just love insurance companies? (Rhetorical question). Especially those warm and fuzzy commercials they bombard us on the toob. Here are a couple of oldies but goodies that come to mind:

"Like a Good Friend, State Farm is There"

OR,

"You're in Good Hands With Allstate"

YADAH, YADAH, YADAH.

CNN REPORTS:

"Mississippi attorney general files lawsuit against insurance companies. Amid reports that insurance companies may be taking advantage of Hurricane Katrina victims, Mississippi Attorney General Jim Hood filed a lawsuit Thursday against five insurers in his state, his press office said.

Mississippi Farm Bureau Insurance, State Farm Fire and Casualty Co., Allstate Property and Casualty Co., United Services Automobile Association and Nationwide Mutual Insurance Co. were listed as defendants in the suit."

More fine reading can be found at Reuters, USA Today, LA Times, Pantagraph and US Newswire.

IT LOOKS LIKE our prediction is coming to fruition:

"Mark my words. It won't be long before you will be watching State Farm Insurance ads bragging on the toob how they rebuilt New Orleans. What they won't tell you however is all the bodies they screwed over. But that will be another story, or a law suit (or both)."

Damn Necrofeliacs.

Extreme Blogging

2005-09-13T14:31:00.000-07:00

Did the KOS Implicate Bush of Mass Murder?

The FISK likes to read extremist blogs for a good chuckle now and again. You know the ones I'm talking about -- the major players of course are the political blogs, the Instapundits and the Daily KOS et al.

We even like to link to them for easy one-click access, and because God knows they could use the pagerank boost. You will find them listed below under the appropriately named list "Fodder".

Well yesterday was no exception and the KOS did not disappoint. Markos Moulitsas Zúniga writes (bad spelling and all) about ex-FEMA chief Brown's resignation and provides us with an excellent example of political extremeism at its best:

"But we can't allow this disaster to be framed in the context of a few incompetents and political hacks. Because ultimately, the federal (non) response to New Orleans went exactly according to the conservative playbook. And that's the biggest point in this whole mess.

Conservatives believe government shouldn't exist to help people. That everyone should be left to the wolves.

New Orleans demonstrated to us in vivid color what Republicanism is made of. New Orleans was, in reality, a crowning acheivement of conservatism. That is, until political pressure forced the federal government to lend a hand and those lucky duckies in the gulf coast began receiving "handouts".

Obviously KOS has been watching way too many Dean speeches. Yes, we all agree that Bush was slow to the draw with New Orleans. And yes, Brown was way in over his head and should have been removed.

I'm no Bush lover, but to paint him and all conservatives that way is irresponsible and quite frankly dumb. For to believe such rubbish is the same as saying that Bush and his party are complicit in mass murder. Murder? KOS fell just short of saying that but it is implied, or at the very least manslaughter or criminal negligence (do I hear negligent homicide).

Let me explain. If (according to KOS' logic) Bush had followed a game plan ("according to the conservative playbook") leading to the death of many people, then isn't that the same as saying Bush premeditated a crime against humanity. Move over Kosovo. Hello New Orleans.

The KOS claims to have the largest readership in the blogosphere, so obviously it appeals to a lot of people who lap up this stuff (scary isn't it). And maybe (just maybe) there could be another more sensible explanation. But what the hey, that's not extreme enough is it?

I also find it interesting that (some) of his liberal followers will be the first to shame anyone making characterizations (and rightly they should) about colour or race.

Yet (some) of those same people have no compunction to making scurrilous generalizations about conservatives. And of course a good old fashioned religion-bashing is another favorite sport of the left (just read some of the comments).

Hypocrites. Talk about extreme rhetoric. In fact this sort of diatribe only appeals to the worst in people and is more in keeping with propoganda than political extremeism.

That is part and parcel of what is good and bad with the blogosphere. On the one hand it is a strength of diversity that gives the blogosphere it's power. But unfortunately any whacko with a keypad can get published.

One finds it hard to imagine that anyone in their right mind could actually believe some of the crap the KOS disgorges. Crap is right, and right down the poop shoot it goes where it belongs. SWOOSH.

```
Mind you, upon occasion KOS is capable of making a sensible post. But if you have something to say then speak directly and spare us the inflammatory rhetoric that only appeals to smaller minds. It behooves you NOT. Then again, you are a great source of material for the FISK!

Categories: daily fisk political football news in the news current affairs current events opinion rant ramblings random thoughts news and politics politics political media blog weblog blogging kos daily kos instapundit new orleans katrina hurricane katrina funny humor humour

Katrina Exposes Vulnerability in U.S. Security

2005-09-11T15:36:00.000-07:00

Dr. Strangelove is still alive and well in planet America.

Hurricane Katrina has exposed a serious vulnerability in the U.S. -- that it doesn't have enough troops to fight abroad and in the homeland simultaneously. Hence, extraordinary measures could be justified. At least according to the military that is.

The Washington Post reports the Pentagon has a new strategy that includes a preemptive strike using nuclear weapons. The premise is that it is a preventative measure to be used against (perceived) threats from weapons of mass destruction.

Is it just smoke and mirrors to ward off would-be terrorists from taking advantage of the recent catastrophe in New Orleans? Or is it for real?

Only Bush knows for certain. What is frightening about this is that if anything can be learned from Katrina, it would appear the U.S. military is over extended and could not adequately defend the homeland if a terrorist attack should occur.

But what is even scarier is that they are actually considering using the nuclear option as a preemptive strike weapon. Before they push the button let's hope (for all our sakes) their intelligence is far better than what they showed over Iraq's alleged Weapons of Mass Destruction.

Categories: daily fisk, political football, news, in the news, current affairs, current events, opinion, rant, ramblings, random thoughts, news and politics, politics, political, terror, terrorism, terrorist, society, humor, humour, katrina, homeland security, hurricane katrina, new orleans

CNN Double-Take

2005-09-11T10:58:00.000-07:00

Day by Day nails it again regarding CNN's double-take to cover the carnage as the recovery of bodies in New Orleans continues. We can only suppose they need the ratings. Indeed, horror and destruction sells news.

A Week in the Life of America

2005-09-10T19:34:00.000-07:00

Blacks hate whites, and whites hate all equally (they don't discriminate). The press takes the government to court. The left plans strategy against Bush and the right. Hurricanes, tornadoes and earthquakes batter the homeland. The nation remains on high alert after 911. The troops conquer Iraq but divide a country. The date of the apocalypse has been deciphered. And the anti-Christ has been found. Need proof?

BESIDES THAT ALL IS WELL WITH PLANET AMERICA.

Perfect Political Storm

2005-09-10T12:55:00.000-07:00

The game of news and politics has no shame:

Day by Day cartoon notes that the politically-left blog KOS wants to exploit media coverage of dead bodies for its own political purposes. CNN wants to cover it because carnage sells. The government wants to downplay it to soften public outrage.

Whereas Political FootBall notes: "Unfortunately that is the world that we live in. The public are but pawns in this political game. Either way the dead and the suffering lose."

It's all so surreal. Watching biblical catastrophes in the comfort of our living room.

Hard to say who is worse. The political harlots or the press. Then again, what does that say about our morbid curiosity?

Categories: daily fisk, political football, news, in the news, cnn, current affairs, current events, opinion, rant, daily kos, ramblings, random thoughts, news and politics, politics, political, katrina, hurricane katrina, new orleans, humour

Day by Day does some Finger Pointing of it's Own

2005-09-09T14:06:00.000-07:00

Does Bush need a scapegoat? Or is he THE scapegoat?

Tag, You're It!

2005-09-09T10:31:00.000-07:00

The Lord has spoken from the mount, as Charles Krauthammer of the Washington Post defends Bush and directs his pointy finger towards God/Mother Nature, the Mayor, the Governor and FEMA (in that order):

"When the plague or some other natural disaster struck, witches were burned, Jews were massacred and all felt better (except the witches and Jews). A few centuries later, our progressive thinkers have progressed not an inch. No fall of a sparrow on this planet is not attributed to sin and human perfidy. The three current favorites are: (1) global warming, (2) the war in Iraq and (3) tax cuts. Katrina hits and the unholy trinity is immediately invoked to damn sinner-in-chief George W. Bush.

This kind of stupidity merits no attention whatsoever, but I'll give it a paragraph. There is no relationship between global warming and the frequency and intensity of Atlantic hurricanes. Period. The problem with the evacuation of New Orleans is not that National Guardsmen in Iraq could not get to New Orleans but that National Guardsmen in Louisiana did not get to New Orleans. As for the Bush tax cuts, administration budget requests for New Orleans flood control during the five Bush years exceed those of the five preceding Clinton years. The notion that the allegedly missing revenue would have been spent wisely by Congress, targeted precisely to the levees of New Orleans, and that the reconstruction would have been completed in time, is a threefold fallacy. The argument ends when you realize that, as The Post noted, "the levees that failed were already completed projects."

Thus, the Lord has spoken. So let it be written, so let it be done.

Any takers?

Breaking News:

2005-09-08T10:40:00.000-07:00

Bush Declares a State of Emergency

So what was your first clue George?

*Note: The above photo was first shown at the daily FISK!

Categories: daily fisk, political football, blog, news, in the news, current affairs, current events, opinion, rant, ramblings, random thoughts, news and politics, politics, political, katrina, hurricane katrina, new orleans, bush, society, fun, funny, humor, humour

Katrina, Disaster, Aid, Relief, Celebs, HUMBUG!

2005-09-06T22:26:00.000-07:00

Where Are The REAL Heroes?

I'm a hopeless cynic. Especially when it comes to politics and celebrities.

Been around long enough to know that not everything that meets the eye is what it seems.

So I would like to discuss a phenomenon that really disturbs me, and throw it out to all you good folk who are much smarter than I.

I was reading a news story about Clinton slamming the government over the (mis)handling of Katrina, and it got me to thinking.

Question: Have you ever noticed the opportunists who suddenly show up whenever there is a movie, a book, or a song to promote, or in this case when disaster strikes? And have you ever asked yourself why? (Rhetorical question). Otherwise you never see them.

Take Katrina for example. My earlier post noted that Bubba Bill Clinton and George Dubya Bush Senior always seem to show up whenever tragedy strikes. Like ambulance-chasing lawyers looking for a gruesome accident to pass out business cards.

Here they come. The dynamic duo to the rescue. Like marvel superheroes with grinning, air-brushed faces, showing off their new pearly white dentures and pepsodent smiles, all bought and paid for by the good tax payers of this great land.

Ok, so I admit on the face of it, it looks very noble and good. Those good ole boys lending their mugs to help the poor and unfortunate. Right?

Well, remember when I said not all is what it seems? I recall an interview with Clinton on CNN when he and Bush were off to visit victims of the Asian Tsunami.

At the end of the interview good ole Bill accidentally blurted "well I got to go down there to promote my book anyway". Now that may not be a exact quote, but is basically what he said. Seriously! I kid you not.

So I asked myself who is really benefitting here? Is it the disaster victims, or is it the publicity-hound celebs? Or both? You tell me.

Are we to believe that nobody will donate to Katrina unless the celebs show up? I mean, really?

Well I for one don't believe it. So let me ask another question. Are you moved to give to their charity rather than one of the other registered charities out there?

Or let me put it this way. If they didn't have their own charity, would you be inclined to give less for the Katrina victims? Personally I don't believe it. But then again I'm not that superficial.

Perhaps it is because America needs its heros, and there are more than enough egomaniacs vying for the job. Take Live 8 as another example. Rather than repeat myself, I will let my previous post speak for itself.

Mark my words. It won't be long before you will be watching State Farm Insurance ads bragging on the toob how they rebuilt New Orleans. What they won't tell you however is all the bodies they screwed over. But that will be another story, or a law suit (or both).

And now it seems even the blogosphere is not immune to opportunism. Blogger poster boy Glenn Reynolds (Instapundit) got himself a free plug from CNN.

"So far, this has raised about... $360,000 from InstaPundit readers."

Your efforts are duly noted Glenn, but why not just recommend that your readers give anonymously to a registered charity without all the self-promoting fanfare? Oh yeah, I forgot. There's no publicity in that is there?

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not against sincere folk who want to help. I'm all for that. It's just that some people have no shame, and will exploit any situation for personal gain.

Ok, there may be a place for celebs helping causes, but it's the hypocrisy that really gets my craw. The next time you see your favorite politician, actress or rapper doing a photo-op for a disaster scene, ask yourself what is their real motive?

The end doesn't necessarily justify the means, and I for one will not help self-serving parasites get free publicity on the backs of suffering people.

No sireee, not me. My money is going elsewhere. Then again, maybe I'm just an overly sensitive cynic.
```
UPDATE: I just watched do-gooder Lisa Marie Presley on Oprah showing us how concerned she is for the flood victims. Now if memory serves correctly, didn't she just release an album recently? But there I go being cynical again.

HEY OPRAH! Girl... show me the nobodys out there who are doing the real hero work. At least with 9/11 we had the firefighters and police to look up to. Not has-been celebs whose only claim to fame is being the daughter of Elvis and marrying whacko Jacko. Or at least make it worth our while and show us a real celebrity.

Categories: news, in the news, current affairs, current events, opinion, rant, ramblings, news and politics, politics, political, hurricane katrina, society, new orleans, instapundit, celebrities, celebs, oprah, funny, humor, humour

Bush and Bubba Give their Two Cents' Worth

2005-09-06T11:24:00.000-07:00

And it's Worth Every Penny:

The Over-The-Hill Gang Rides Again!

Thank goodness for disasters, otherwise there would be nothing much for these ex-presidents to do.

Must be nice to have so much money to afford to spend all their spare time lending their face for charity. And it certainly doesn't hurt the book sales either.

Soon we'll giving them a Mother Theresa award for sainthood and comparing them with other great duos like Abbott and Costello, Martin and Lewis, Crosby and Hope or Tommy Lee and Pam.

Kidding aside, the dynamic duo George Bush Senior and Bill Clinton have teamed up again, this time for the Bush - Clinton Katrina Fund.

There are a lot of relief aid organizations out there so take your pick and help out.

Categories: news, in the news, current affairs, current events, opinion, rants, ramblings, news and politics, politics, political, terror, society, humor, humour, hurricane katrina, new orleans

Evacuate THIS!

2005-09-04T14:39:00.000-07:00

And Now Commences the Blame Game:

While thousands are still waiting for evacuation out of New Orleans our elected officials have commenced their own damage control to cover their asses and failed leadership.

That's some consolation for the dead and the suffering. So the FISK has just one message for our glorious leaders -- while y'all sit on your spotty backsides pointing fingers...

You can put it where the sun don't shine!

Categories: news, in the news, current affairs, current events, opinion, rants, ramblings, news and politics, politics, political, society, new orleans, hurricane katrina, fun, funny, humor, humour

New Orleans in Chaos

2005-09-02T15:01:00.000-07:00

New Orleans descends into anarchy as corpses

lay abandoned in streets, fights and fires broke out, cops turned in their badges and the governor declared war on looters who have made the city a menacing landscape of disorder and fear.

"They have M-16s and they're locked and loaded," Gov. Kathleen Blanco said of 300 National Guard troops who landed in New Orleans fresh from duty in Iraq. "These troops know how to shoot and kill, and they are more than willing to do so, and I expect they will."

The chaos deepened despite the promise of 1,400 National Guardsmen a day to stop the looting, plans for a $10 billion recovery bill in Congress and a government relief effort President Bush called the biggest in U.S. history.

"I'm not sure I'm going to get out of here alive," said Canadian tourist Larry Mitzel, who handed a reporter his business card in case he goes missing. "I'm scared of riots. I'm scared of the locals. We might get caught in the crossfire."

More than four days after Hurricane Katrina struck, the National Guard finally arrived with food, water and weapons, churning through the floodwaters in a vast truck convoy that was met with both catcalls and cries of "thank you, Jesus!'' from the suffering multitudes.

New Orleans' top emergency management official has called that effort a "national disgrace" and questioned when reinforcements would actually reach the increasingly lawless city.

Categories: news, in the news, current affairs, opinion, rants, ramblings, news and politics, politics, political, hurricane katrina, new orleans

Stop talking, get 'em out

2005-09-02T02:14:00.000-07:00

CW FISHER
As thousands of terrified Americans remain trapped in the Swamp of New Orleans, the White House worries over its reputation and asks for patience.

We are definitely on our own.

I asked myself how I'd move thousands of people out of New Orleans if I only had a few hours. This is what I came up with. The picture at left is a photoshopped illustration.

Step 1. Ask the crews of construction crane helicopters to get airborne and bring chain. These are the giants that put antennas on the tops of buildings. They can handle a big box of people.

Step 2. Instruct helicopters to locate suitable containers. It shouldn't be difficult. New Orleans is a river town on a major seaport. Boxcars and shipping containers should be easily found--at least enough to be workable.

Step 3. Deliver containers to the first neighborhood in lines of at least three helicopters. People will get the idea and run to the closest pickup spot. Three gives them hope. But if there's only one, the crowd may stampede to it, or riot, or crush each other in the container. Because they perceive they've been abandoned, they're likely to see a single helicopter as their last chance. Three helicopters splits the crowd from the center, spaces them blocks apart, and shows people for miles what's going on.

Step 4. Before the container is full of people, lift slowly and hover low so stragglers can drop off without injury. Get airborne. This is how you communicate to an entire city without communications. You have to show 'em. See? We're taking you out of here now.

Step 5. Take these people to safety, where showers, and beds, and meals and airplanes to elsewhere are ready and waiting.

Step 6. Repeat until done. Time frame: four hours. Deadline: three days ago.

A word about safety. It isn't. But then, there's nothing even remotely safe about what's happening on the streets. A trip in a box with a crowd of sweaty scared people would be a lot less scary than anything normal people do to themselves at Six Flags on purpose.

...by CW FISHER

Categories: blog, weblog, blogging, news, in the news, current affairs, humor, humour, opinion, rants, ramblings, news and politics, politics, political, new orleans, hurricane katrina, society

Pat Robertson Jihad Update

2005-08-24T11:04:00.000-07:00

The Videos Tell a Different Story Pat!

Pat Robertson now says that he never suggested Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez should be killed, and that his comments were taken out of context:

"I didn't say 'assassination.' I said our special forces should 'take him out.' And 'take him out' can be a number of things, including kidnapping; there are a number of ways to take out a dictator from power besides killing him. I was misinterpreted by the AP [Associated Press], but that happens all the time," Robertson said on "The 700 Club" program. (Watch Video Robertson's Apology).

But his retraction falls short of more incriminating comments that he made earlier:

"If he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think we really ought to go ahead and do it," said Robertson on Monday's program. "It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war." (Watch Video Robertson's Original Comments)

This writer refused to go the extent of vilifying Robertson like others have, but given his ineffectual apology I now find myself wanting for his excuses.

As you can see Pat the tapes tell us a different story. It's time to get with the program and come clean. Show us some of that character you like to preach. Do the right thing, fess up and stop making excuses.

And while you're at it look into that alzheimer's problem.

Categories: news, in the news, current affairs, opinion, rants, ramblings, news and politics, politics, political, terror, terrorism, terrorist, religion

Pat Robertson calls for Jihad against Chavez

2005-08-23T22:01:00.000-07:00

WHICH only proves that alzheimer's can affect anyone.

OOPS ! Now he's stepped in it. Perhaps it was a case of thinking out loud? Or is it just stinkin' thinkin'?

Pat Robertson was caught talking more like a political leader instead of the founder and chairman of The Christian Broadcasting Network 700 Club. He dared to reiterate out loud what is covertly whispered in the hallowed halls of the White House on a routine basis.

For all our (understandably) moral outrage, perhaps the White House should come clean and admit that discussions like this are an every day occurrence by the nation's power brokers:

(CNN) "If he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it," Robertson told viewers on his "The 700 Club" show Monday. "It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war."

Although the State Department says Robertson's comments are "inappropriate", Bush has yet to respond.

Robertson accused Chavez, a left-wing populist with close ties to Cuban President Fidel Castro, of trying to make Venezuela "a launching pad for Communist infiltration and Muslim extremism all over the continent... this is in our sphere of influence, so we can't let this happen".

"You know, I don't know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it," Robertson said. "It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war ... and I don't think any oil shipments will stop."

Chavez (who has previously accused the U.S. of wanting to topple his government) has immediately turned this into a public relations pity-party accusing Pat Robertson of making "terrorist statements".

"We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability," Robertson said. "We don't need another $200 billion war to get rid of one strong-arm dictator. It's a whole lot easier to have some of the covert operatives do the job and then get it over with."

Criticism of Robertson has been swift who has yet to make an apology.

"It's absolutely chilling to hear a religious leader call for the murder of any political leader, no matter how much he disagrees with such a leader's policies or practices," said the Rev. Barry Lynn, executive director of Americans United for Separation of Church and State (search).

Chavez survived a brief 2002 coup, a devastating two-month strike that ended in early 2003 and recall referendum in 2004. The former army paratroop commander, a close ally of Cuban leader Fidel Castro, is up for re-election next year, and polls suggest he is the favorite.

```
Yes, what he said was wrong, BUT who are we kidding with all our moral outrage?

We all know that this stuff goes on all the time. But because it was Robertson all of a sudden we turn into a bunch of stone throwing prima donnas.

So who's the hypocrite?

Obviously Robertson has been playing politics for so long he's forgotten which hat he's wearing. He needs to make a decision which role he wants to play and stick to it.

Is he a political pundit, or is he a representative of Christ? Because this is a perfect example how the two don't always mix.

Categories: news, in the news, current affairs, opinion, rants, ramblings, news and politics, politics, political, terror, terrorism, terrorist, religion, society

Tail that Mocks the Blog

2005-08-22T16:59:00.000-07:00

In his article "The Tail That Wags the Blog", Joel Achenbach of the Washington Post smugly boasts about his popularity while making jest of Bloggers:

I'm surprised that bloggers didn't get it. Achenbach conceals his true derision of bloggers behind a camouflage of disingenuously written humor.

A few weeks back, I blogged three paragraphs on Karl Rove. Someone at Google News linked to the blog, and a Rovestorm erupted, a festival of vituperation, with a commensurately outstanding number of page views.

Yes Joel, how difficult can it be when you're a member of the Dan Rather fraternity?

"The continual focus-grouping explains why most bloggers write as though their primary goal is to rise in the Google search results."

Why so smug Joel? Obviously you practice what you preach. At the FISK our "primary goal" is to expose lame schmos like you. And as for yur tail that wags, you know where to stick it.

"And let me just add, purely for the sake of Google: sex, alien abduction, Oprah, Tom Cruise, Lindsay Lohan, jumbo hooters the size of watermelons, Dick Cheney, Mark of the Beast, Armageddon, free money."

But thanks for the tip.

P.S.: You forgot Cindy Sheehan, George Bush, Iraq... Shizer!

Categories: blog, weblog, blogging, internet, news, in the news, current affairs, opinion, rants, ramblings, news and politics, politics, political, funny, humor, humour

Vioxx gets it up the wazoo!

2005-08-19T14:36:00.000-07:00

Anybody got any pain killers?

One trial down and more yet to come.

A jury has awarded $253.4M (yes that's million) dollars against Merck & Co. (Vioxx).

Let's hope for the sake of them lawyers they took the case on a $$$ contingency basis.

Maybe that's why they're smiling so much.

It's also a good thing for Merck that they invented something called the appeal process.

Stay tuned folks 'cause this ain't over by a long shot.

Categories: news, in the news, current affairs, opinion, news and politics, fun, funny, humor, humour, drugs, drug news, pharmaceuticals

Cindy Sheehan's "Absolute Moral Authority"

2005-08-18T15:12:00.000-07:00

Rush Limbaugh sets the Record Straight and pleads context is king:

BUTTHEAD
vs. CONEHEAD

A pair of swelled heads if there ever were:

"Now, I don't expect this to work, because the people who are making erroneous, fallacious, lying comments about things I've said on this program don't even listen to this program, and don't even go to my website to find out what I say. They rely on little pimple-faced kids that are working at wannabe websites who excerpt this program and others, take them out of context, and that's what they use as their source material. Yesterday afternoon on Wolf Blitzer's new show, the Situation Room on CNN, The FOREHEAD appeared, Paul Begala. Jump to audio sound bite #3. Let's start first with what The FOREHEAD had to say. They were talking about the Cindy Sheehan story, and Wolf said to The FOREHEAD, "Do you think Cindy Sheehan is going too far?"

Now correct me if I'm wrong, but was Rush referring to we bloggers as "pimple-faced kids... working at wannabe websites"?

Because if that is the case you and I will butt heads tubby, so to speak. Then again, (speaking out of context) he does make a point, and I don't mean Paul Begala's head either.

Present company excluded of course. But I digress...

Categories: news, in the news, current affairs, opinion, rants, ramblings, news and politics, politics, political, rush limbaugh, fun, funny, humor, humour

Bush in the Bubble

2005-08-18T13:24:00.000-07:00

Would you be this man's Neighbour?

What did Mr. Rogers say?

Oh yes, now I remember... "it's a beautiful day in the neighbourhood..."

So George is spending the summer riding bicycle in the bush, while back at the ranch his administration takes the heat as they fess up to the reality in Iraq.

"What we expected to achieve was never realistic given the timetable or what unfolded on the ground," said a senior official involved in policy since the 2003 invasion. "We are in a process of absorbing the factors of the situation we're in and shedding the unreality that dominated at the beginning."

All the while the Pentagon is still scrambling to protect the troops with adequate body armour.

"The ceramic plates in vests worn by most personnel cannot withstand certain munitions the insurgents use. But more than a year after military officials initiated an effort to replace the armor with thicker, more resistant plates, tens of thousands of soldiers are still without the stronger protection because of a string of delays in the Pentagon's procurement system."

Besides a few glitches Bush still assures us that everything is going according to plan. Hell, even his most intimate neighbour Cindy Sheehan has ceased her vigil.

It's a beautiful day for a holiday. It's a beautiful time to be alive. It's also a good time to smell the coffee -- don't you think George?

Categories: news, in the news, current affairs, opinion, rants, ramblings, news and politics, politics, political, terror, terrorism, terrorist, fun, funny, humor, humour

Bush Deploys Salvation Army to Iraq?

2005-08-17T14:55:00.000-07:00

A contributing writer for Blogcritics has caught the Christian Post in the very un-christian-like position of plagiarism.

The fictional story entitled "Bush Deploys Salvation Army to Iraq" stated that Bush had called up 30,000 Salvation Army recruits to bolster the troops in Iraq.

"The designated duty is to bolster duty around Iraq's borders and prevent additional insurgents from crossing into Iraq and disrupting the peace process."

It was of course a made-up story, but that is not the point. The Christian Post picked it up as a genuine news article with no references made to the author.

In this writers view, this only proves once and for all that Christians are NOT perfect and should be condemned for their hypocrisy. They go around acting as if they are so high and mighty, even having the nerve to force moralist laws down the throats of the rest of us folk.

I can already hear the grumblings. So what if Christians are not perfect you say! Neither are you. But I say the difference is that we already know it, and at least we're not hypocrites about it.

The original author has asked the question. "What would Jesus Do?" Well this writer can tell you what he would do. He would say that no Christian should hold a position of authority within a publicly held corporation. We the people have the right to not have some hypocrite making decisions that influence the share value of our investments.

This writer is so fed up with these christoids that he would go so far as to submit there oughta be a law stating that they cannot hold public office. We want real people making our laws. People who are deeply flawed like the rest of us and make no bones about it. Not some pie in the sky hypocrite that couldn't stay on the straight and narrow even if their life depended on it.

Now that you mention it, some have even suggested we should give them a taste of their own medicine. Burn a few at the stake and see how they like it. Christoid kabobs. Yeah! Or better still, give them over to the jihad terrorists and lop off their heads. Too bad the colluseum is in disrepair.

Extreme perhaps? Extreme measures for extremists I always say.

Categories: satire, news, in the news, current affairs, opinion, rants, ramblings, news and politics, politics, political, fun, funny, humor, humour

*Editor's note: This is a tongue-in-cheek work of satire. Have a great day.

What if we fought wars with love?

2005-08-13T23:05:00.000-07:00

CW FISHER
Toward the end of the Clinton administration, the greatest minds of the US military dreamed up a bunch of weapons that could disperse crowds without killing them. One guy wanted to blast them with rock music--a terrific idea, depending on the musical taste of the crowd you have in mind. Somebody else mentioned rubber bullets, and it pretty much went downhill from there. Seven years later we get the Portable Microwave on a Truck. Sheesh.

Everybody wants to hurt somebody else but nobody wants to get hurt themselves. Getting shot with a Taser has been described like "being shredded with a fork." In other words, it hurts like hell, and also, it kills fairly regularly. Yet anyone can carry a Taser. So far the only people killing anybody with them are cops, but once the technology is integrated into your cell phone as a standard feature, watch your world explode with action and drama! There will be incidents; your robbers and muggers and rapers will have their Tasers, and their victims will have their Tasers too. The playing field will be level, but littered with jerking people.

They say that love is the most powerful force on earth, yet if this were true, wouldn't we have hurled it by now at some enemy? Why is love the only weapon we've never tried? We never even made half an attempt. So I'd like to make a half attempt on humanity's behalf. This is what I see when I aim love at war.

1. Gas them
Strategy: Everybody get down. War is like a bad mood; people should party instead. Small cells of culturally invisible bioengineers breach the water supply and slip the region a mickey in the form of the drug called 'Ecstacy.' The entire population becomes enthralled with the beauty all around them, life has possibilities again, confessions are made, secrets spilled, pardons begged and granted. The enemy is softened.

2. Shields up
Just because some people are all loved up doesn't mean everybody will be. Therefore, the Love Army needs heavy shielding from bullets and bombs. The Love Bug is a fully armored single person standup motorcycle that doubles as a love dispersion unit. It sprays, hoses or injects those hateful hoards, turns them into old softies in no time--whereupon they're rounded up, fingerprinted, photographed, interrogated, incarcerated.

3. Make it unforgettable
Following check-in, lead your guests to their rooms, allow them a hot shower and plenty of time to dress before dinner: their new clothes are laid out in the closet, along with other donations from Old Navy. After dinner, before dessert, interrogations are best. Then it's off to the hot tubs, or dance floor--they're free for the rest of the night, with breakfast served from 5am to 11a.m, at which point the next group checks in. They'll want to come back again and again, but they can't. There's a war on!

This model appears to assume that drugs can create love, which is not the case. Ecstacy only simulates it, which is close enough. Drugs, in general, are a bogus way to get love, yeah, yeah, yeah, but this is war, junior, and this is tough love, maybe.

Hell, I'd give soldiers checkbooks and a pen and tell them to go fund a few worthy projects. Some of that money'd be wasted, but it would still be cheaper than bombing the neighborhood, and it wouldn't create the long-term hatred people have for you when you kill their family. Maybe they'd laugh at you behind your back. But I guarantee they'll come running to greet you the next time you come around.

Categories:in the news, current affairs, opinion, news and politics, politics, political, society, ramblings, rants, love, peace, life, personal, fun, funny, humor, humour

Novak's Bullcrap

2005-08-06T08:04:00.000-07:00

The following is a transcript from CNN's "INSIDE POLITICS."

HENRY: And the "Strategy Session" continues on INSIDE POLITICS. Still here: James Carville and Robert Novak. Katherine Harris made a name for her self during the Florida recount in the 2000 presidential race. She was then Florida's secretary of state. She went on to the House of Representatives. Now she wants to move over to the United States Senate. Today she got the news that the speaker of the Florida House won't challenge her for the Republican nomination. In the meantime, Harris is blaming unnamed newspapers for tarnishing her image by doctoring her makeup with Photoshop -- that computer program. Bob Novak, have you been investigating this make-up story?

NOVAK: No, but I've had the same experience that she did. A lot of my trouble in the world is that they've doctored my make-up and colorized me in a lot of newspapers on my picture. So, I sympathize with her.

HENRY: This is breaking news. I've haven't heard this.

CARVILLE: Breaking news. Who did it? What paper?

NOVAK: Well, I don't. I can't tell you.

CARVILLE: Yes. You know the two happiest people in America today about this decision, is Bill Nelson and Jay Leno. I mean --

HENRY: Bill Nelson the Democratic Senator.

CARVILLE: The Democratic Senator and Jay Leno. That -- I mean, they're going to go nuts over this. They're messing with my make-up, but you really don't know who it is. I mean, let's say this: She's going to be good for the humor circuit. She's going to be good for the speech circuit and she's good for a lot. And I think that Nelson -- I think, it's probably no secret that the White House wanted the speaker to run and I suspect that the Nelson people are, you know, feeling pretty good here today.

NOVAK: A couple of points here: The first place, don't be too sure she's going to lose. All the establishment's against her and I've seen these Republican -- anti-establishment candidates who do pretty well. Ronald Reagan, I guarantee you that the establishment wasn't for him. We just elected a senator from Oklahoma, Senator Tom Coburn, everybody in the establishment was against him. She might get elected -- So, wait. Just let me finish what I'm going to say, James. Please, I know you hate to hear me, but you have...

CARVILLE: He's got to show these right wingers that he's got backbone, you know. It's why The Wall Street Journal editorial page is watching you. Show 'em you're tough.

NOVAK: Well, I think that's bullshit. And I hate that. Just let it go.

(Novak leaves set.)

HENRY: OK. James, what do you think though, seriously about this Senate race, James, that the -- that basically the Katherine Harris and Bill Nelson, if they do square off, what do you think -- what will that mean for Bill Nelson? He's considered an endangered incumbent.

CARVILLE: Yeah. I don't think -- I think it's actually pretty good news that far down, because I think they thought this speaker would be a tougher guy. It was just one of these things. I think Nelson's feeling pretty good right now. It won't be a primary. He'd rather not have a primary. But I suspect he's feeling pretty good.

Full transcript: Inside Politics
Video clip: Novak walks off set

Categories: news, in the news, current affairs, opinion, news and politics, politics, fun, funny, humor, humour, bob novak, robert novak

Intelligent Design OR Looking for God in all the 'Right' Places

2005-08-04T21:22:00.000-07:00

Editors Note: Perhaps all the flak over the president's comments is due to the words "intelligent design" and "Bush" being used in the same sentence?
```
Hell, if you can't see it, and if you can't measure it then it ain't there. Everybody knows that.

We teach our kids real scientific theory not faith, so there's no way that 'Intelligent Design' claptrap is gonna be taught in our schools. Hell, no.

We teach our kids about real stuff that has been proven under strict scientific conditions and stood the test of time.

I doesn't matter to me that most theories are replaced every few years. At least it's done by real science.

After all, we teach our kids about important things like the big-bang theory and gravity and such.

What's that you say? Gravity is an unseen force? Ok, I admit we can't see gravity but we can still feel it's effects. Right? And just because we can't see it don't mean it ain't there.

Ok wait a sec. I think I see where you're going with this so stop messin' with my head. The next thing you're probably gonna tell me is the big-bang never really happened.

Excuse me? Who lit the fuse? Well, just because we don't know who started it don't mean it didn't happen. It was probably that great cosmic arsonist in the sky or something.

I mean... say again? What is the universe expanding into? Talk about an exercise in semantics. No way I'm going there bud.

Ok, maybe I see your point. Come to think of it, scientific theory is kinda like faith. Both take a little bit of "faith" to believe in.

But then again, I never was much of a gambler. May the force be with you.

Categories: news, in the news, current affairs, opinion, news and politics, politics, school, spiritual, society, science, fun, funny, humor, humour, education

Editor's other Note: For the benefit of those who did not get it, this post is a work of satire with a strong element of irony. So don't get your shorts in a dither. This has been a public service announcement.

Is Rove having an affair?

2005-08-04T15:50:00.000-07:00

by CW FISHER
Karl Rove is proof that if you give a mousey man enough power he'll eventually become the size of a huge rat. Now the rumor says Karl's been cheating on his wife, shtupping some chick, violating his vows, living a lie. This is not especially shocking since Karl Rove deals in lies; they're his trade and talent. He's the Great Renamer who turns terrorists to extremists, churches to faith-based organizations, and blowjobs to something that's his business, especially if it's yours.

Even the White House thinks he's two-timing his old lady (who's also a bit tubby). An anonymous White House 'spokesman' called it "the business of these two individuals who have personal lives." And a great respect for the sacred institution of marriage, lest we faggots forget what turned the last election.

Personal lives? Personal lives are food to Karl Rove. Therefore, just for Karl, may no smear be too small, no allegation too inappropriate, no charge too factless. For is it not in accordance with natural law, statute 7, that states "what's good for the geese is good for the gander?"

The gander's a philanderer, according to George Rush and Joanna Molloy (sitting in for the vacationing Liz Smith, whose column is syndicated by Tribune Media Services).

The whispered-of woman is Karen Johnson, a lobbyist for roads and transportation for the state of Texas. The two met while Bush was governor and became close personal friends in 2000.

Karen appears often on Karl's arm at parties and other events, and is described as 'comely.'

The word comely evokes explosive imagery which caused a three hour Google search for her picture-- but even after filtering out porn, none appeared. Could they be that stealthy? Or is it all a lie?

With Karl, it's hard to tell, because the truth is such a flexible substrate, spongey, messy. It's why he likes to start from scratch and create it from the foundation up. He knows that we parrot and repeat, that what we say becomes what we believe, that belief becomes action.

A manipulated nation is like a well trained audience that knows when to laugh and when to applaud, how hard, how long and whether or not to stand up. But a great nation is like a discerning audience, free to be honest, that can jeer and walk out and give bad reviews without landing in jail or losing a job.

CUE: MUSIC.

Let then this be our thrust and theme, that Rove be a rogue of a smarm so toxic, he soaks in a tubful of his own bombastica. Great nation that is America, rise now in swell to jeer and boo, and give not up until he's booed off stage to die in the darkness he came out of.

Categories: news, in the news, current affairs, opinion, news and politics, politics, society, fun, funny, humor, humour, karl rove

Welcome the Apologist!

2005-08-04T14:01:00.000-07:00

We are privileged to announce the addition of Curt Fisher (aka the Apologist) as a contributing writer to the daily FISK.

Curt is a professional writer whose razor wit, biting humor and insight will keep you entertained as well as informed.

Welcome to the FISK Curt!

Categories: blog, weblog, blogging, news, announcement, press release

daily FISK! ... reach out and FISK someone

Lil' Kim Comes up Short

And the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air...

MarketingSherpa Announces Blog Awards 2006

CyberCoder to the Rescue!

Uber Microsoft Propogandist Scoble Jumps Ship

Slippery Bloggers getting their Palms Greased

Todays Blog Quiz:

Absolutely nothing.

Abu Musab al-Zarqawi is Dead Meat

You live by Violence, You Die by Violence

The Blogosphere is Rigged

(Un)equal Opportunity Bloggers

The Blogosphere is Rigged

Search Filters:

More Signal, Less Noise:

So what can you do about it?

Carnival of the Best of Me Symphony

McCain Attacks Bloggers, Sinks Ship with Loose Lips

The Carnival of Comedy

Free Online TV

Colbert Video Pulled from YouTube

But you can still find it here:

Colbert Fisks Bush... is removed from A-List

Me thinks he won't be invited to the White House anytime soon:

Guy Kawasaki: 120 day Blogging 'Expert'

The Lost Gospel of Judas

Ten Observations of a Rookie Blogger

The ones that are the most revealing are:

And my most favorite of all:

This Week's Idiot Award

I'm a Neo-Nothing:

Sorry you haven't heard from me lately

Is Blogging Just About Getting More Traffic?

Improved RSS Newsfeeds

You SUCK! Becoming an A-List Blogger

Schwag won't cut it this time: So Kiss my Royal...

So Kiss my Royal...

And while you're at it kiss mine too!

"A" stands for anal retentive, and "List" means getting in line behind the rest of the suckers.

Be an A-List Blogger: So Kiss my royal...

Blog for Success: Just Suck Up

Yahoo bans Allah, but Mohammad is OK

FARK's Fatwah

Situation Comedies for Mohammed:

Whittington Excuses Cheney

Cheney's Excuses are NOT Plausible

A FISK Exclusive:

Dick Cheney Shooting Triggers Jokes on TV

The Late Show With David Letterman (CBS)

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart (Comedy Central)

Jimmy Kimmel Live (ABC)

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno (NBC)

Canadian Election 2006

Robertson Criticised on “False Information”

Soothsayer Robertson's "Ignorant" Remarks

First Anal 'Funniest Blog Post' Awards for 2006

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year One and All

I Hate Evil Landlords

Have you Been Screwged Lately?

Republicans: A Brief History

Thank You

We Pause for Station Identification

What Rove, Libby et al Have in Common

Happy Halloween from the daily FISK!

Drive safely and watch out for kiddies on the street!

The Week that Was

Harriet Miers quits.

Scooter resigns.

Bush sez:

Harriet Miers Makes a Hasty Retreat

So sorry to see Harriet go. But didn't we have fun kicking her around?

She couldn't take the Heat. Got outta the Kitchen.

Harriet was just the warmup. Ready for round three? So let the games begin.

Will Pajamas Media Wake Up Blogs?

It's called R E S P E C T Roger Simon

An Open Letter to Roger Simon (aka Pajamas Media):

Sympathy for Karl Rove

'Pajamas Media' Network for Elitist Bloggers only

Yo, Adrienne... one more for Mickey?

Schwag won't cut it this time:
So Kiss my Royal...

The FBI is looking for a few good men.

Dicks need not apply.

"Like a Good Friend, State Farm is There"

OR,

"You're in Good Hands With Allstate"

Thus, the Lord has spoken. So let it be written, so let it be done.

Any takers?

Bush Declares a State of Emergency

So what was your first clue George?